diˈsiZHən

by Nuke Ayu Mei Savitri (Indonesia)

I didn't expect to find Indonesia

I do always believe that any decision I made by myself will not repentance me at any cost. Yet somehow, I kind of think over about it. It doesn't mean that I regret whatever decision I've made before, but sometime it's just so hard to keep standing strong. So yes, you can say that I loose a bit. My mind starts eating me up. The whole situation chokes me, drags me down to the very bottom of the worst existence that I've never been in. The line between the white and the black can not be seen anymore. Even the darkness gets stronger day by day, keep trying to wrap its wings around me and refuses to let me go. Wake up in the morning always be a hard task for me to do, every single day. I just keep laying in the bed, watching the sunshine drops its light trough my window. Wasting every seconds as long as I can. And then this question pops up, "Is this what you really want?". A moment later another question comes along, "Do you remember the reason why you start it?". Them. People who taught me about being me. Being us. Lost together, win together. People who made me see that the nature has its own way to make the real us come to the surface. The patient one, the stubborn one, the crazy one, the lazy one, all the good and the bad. Even before I realise it, I always choose to enter the entire different world I've never been used to. The trill feels so great when you imagine that you will get new challange ahead you. So I don't think far and I just do it. Quite simply at the beginning, sturggle in the process, and has the biggest ear to ear smile in the end.