A clear view (in Dutch = Zie Zuiver)

by Lisa de Hoogh (Netherlands)

Making a local connection Netherlands

It’s a story over returning home when I lose way and wandered a very long time in expectations, beliefs, disbeliefs, hate, jealousy and lies. Where I traveled so far without leaving my country and found something what was forgotten. My life story that I want to share with the world. My entire life I felted the misunderstood and it felt so lonely. In the way I saw the world, the things I believe in or talked about wonders and magic. The mystery, the hidden treasures, magic, the mystical and easy spoken, superpowers have always interested me. Fascinated is the more correct word for these kinds of matters. By all the digging I have down I remembered that when I was a little girl, I read books in mythology of our history. not able to understand why something so big and library's full of books about this topic only was labeled as fantasy, mythology. That things like magic, magical objects, mystical creatures did not exist. Only I learned myself not to share, nor to speak about it. I learned myself to keep my mouth shot. I have been laughed, named crazy, to sensitive, a dreamer and weird. Stupid, a person who can achieve anything, or smart enough. When I did another shot in opening up in what I really knew, believe and in my way of seeing things. To be called crazy, the dumb one, to not be listen to, nor able to share your true feelings and heart with. It broken my heart so many times. Every time, every single time someone told me that he or she believe me, believed in me, whore trustworthy, to be rely on, turned out again as lies. But my heart wanted to feel complete, to be seen, to be heard and hoped to hard. I convinced myself that what these people where promising me, where true. I was only there when they need me, not the other way around. Someone them thought that with giving me thing, like food or name something, to keep me satisfied and not leaving them. Maybe they thought, that doing this and that I was to stupid, to caring to see what they really are. How they talk about my back in not a very nice way, but in way so that they were the hero’s the better person. Want oh, Lisa, her life is such a mess, she has no money, she can’t take care of herself, so I help her and many more of these. And oh, Lisa is so thankful for all the support I gave, she really needs me, and I am such a help for her. Even my parents are doing this, my mom for certain. Talking how lonely I must be, oh they worry so much, but they act the opposite. Well you know, I am not lonely at all, I am have found out that I am the happiest girl a life knowing that I don’t have to hope anymore. I don’t have to lie to myself anymore. I hoped for their honesty but now I don’t have to pretend anymore. I don’t have to pretend that I don’t see what is really going on. I don’t have to convince myself anymore that this love must be real. I don’t have to feel that disappointed feeling anymore, when I share the deepest part of my heart with one of them. Because once again the showed me that they don't see me at all for who I am. Believe in what I can and what I am I made a decision and made this decision not alone. At the same time is this a tiny sneak peak, I was really never alone. And that’s what this story is really about. So that people like me, the underdogs, the misunderstood, the persons who called crazy and are feeling alone. Because of those words who are thrown at them. I want them to know, its okay. Believe in your what you heart is telling you; it is true. Your thoughts, you believe, your vision isn’t crazy, nor wrong or dumb. I am going to prove for you all, that it is all true.