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An American friend told me the best way to seduce their ladies is to be intelligent and witty. Just be able to hold a conversation and make them laugh. That is all. You don't need to spend a dime. Or speak long grammar. Wow! We were sitting idly at the lobby of our hotel in Springfield, Massachusetts, having a conversation; myself, my American friend, and two other colleagues from Asia. After a while, I excused myself to go and rest, exited the hotel through the rear door, and quickly hailed an Uber that rushed me to the nearest Walmart. It was time to put this very wonderful piece of information to test. Unlike the one in DC, the Walmart in Springfield is as big as ten soccer fields woven tightly together. The bigger the better, I thought to myself. I arrived in a few minutes, grabbed a shopping cart, and went in search of an American lady. It took a short while before I stumbled on a target. I was walking through the clothes section when I saw her. An apparition. Tall. Whiter than snow. Long, dark, flowing hair. Small, dainty hands that were caressing some items at the beauty products' section. She was standing with her back to me. What my eyes saw. Choi! America will kill me today. I was transfixed. She must have felt the eyes boring into her back, for she turned almost immediately. Our eyes locked. She smiled. This was more than an apparition. The smile softened her already soft facial features: her eyes had that innocent look of a child and a set of dazzling white teeth peeping through sumptuous lips seemed to beckon: 'Come to me.' 'Come to me.' I gripped the clothes rack beside me tightly for physical support. It took some seconds to regain my senses, and by then she had returned her attention to the items she was examining. At that very moment, I wished I would become a fake nail, hair attachment, nail paint, or whatever it was she was caressing there. I waited for another eye contact. It came. I blew her a kiss, placed both of my hands on my chest, closed my eyes, and shook my head gently. I opened my eyes after two seconds to check the result. A man had appeared in the picture. A big man, with even bigger arms that had tattoos where there used to be skin. Large, ugly tattoos. He was pushing a cart filled with groceries and a kid was perched atop the cart. The man and the lady were speaking to each other, and after a while, both turned to look in my direction; at which time I had already ducked behind a shelf of children's books. You see, the State of Massachusetts have very strict gun laws, meaning that even though you can own a gun, they have to run a background check before selling you one. But in the nearby State of Virginia, guns are sold in malls and anyone can walk in and buy one like you're buying ice-cream. I didn't have the time to think which state had strict gun laws and which state hadn't. The apparition was somebody's wife. A deadly apparition. From my position behind a shelf, I wanted to crawl to the next section but thought against it - Walmart has CCTV cameras installed everywhere. So I crouched to the next two rows that brought me to a section for household items. From there I saw a sign saying 'Exit' and made a dash for it. There was no time to wait for an Uber to arrive and I could hear the voice of the US consulate officer in Lagos playing in my brain: 'Just because an American lady smiled at you doesn't mean she likes you.' I walked in the blistering cold for two kilometres to return to the hotel. P.S. I'm writing from Florida, about 2,000 kilometres away from Massachusetts. It's a slightly humid, sunny morning and the birds are chirping from their trees. It's gonna be a great day!