A father raised fatherless from a country I do not know.

by Trzn Padin (United States of America)

A leap into the unknown Panama

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We dont want you here!! A term of statments all situated to conditions often based in the past. Unfortunately I was born here in the USA. You are not one of us. Spoken to many times by someone who was supposed to be family. Im fortunate to be born here. You speak like your not proud of what you are. What I am can and will be only defined by what I make it to be. Plenty of directions I couldve gone . But being a a young boy. Who wouldnt want more than anything to be considered the equal to the cuzins and uncles and aunties. Quite often too many times I would like to admit I felt outcasted by my carribean and Hispanic culture only because I couldnt understand there forign logic. I still dont speak good enough Spanish to speak among them. I wanted to see my homeland to TIA and Dio. My native born father came across drugs of a lesser kind to pick from and abuse cultivated by forign policys. I was never educated on where I came from. Not to mention every man in my family was a criminal or just a 3rd world gangsta. How was I ever supposed to know what life was like for them if I didnt know what life had inspired for me.only reason I know any of the dishes is because of holidays that would be cooked and garnished with love from another time. Before I ever got to mention from my mouth where I came from. After more time spent suffering than hustling and just learning the game. I took relevance to what I was learning was far better than anything my previous generation could ever have accomplished alone. For one I'm actually in my kids lives and that's just like the valley is to a mountain blissful when there, dreaming to be when not. I didnt get a chance to travel, i wanted to see more expression of human society than anything. To dream just to get away from the city and back into the jungle where I know I belong. Things dont make sense for me out here called HOME. From politics to income and revenue streams I had to learn from ground up. I have 5 kids and there everything to me. But not until I started to really fall short of my own expectations. Did I realize there's never going to be enough time for me to cherish what matters most. So thus I searched for answers. From foreign friends to international buddy's I started to realize that I wasnt the only one perhaps people in other country's just had more experince to travel abroad. What was I missing? Maybe I was just missing a father? Maybe if someone else in my family actually did something they said they were going to do and actually got it done? up and down for years financially I set myself on goals that were clear. I want my kids to travel to there origins storys even if I dint get the chance. Eyes gaze over horizon's they could learn how to be self sufficient not just here but anywhere!! From capital gains to certain exploits of streams of income. I started to watch many do it where I had no clue. People were investing into my very home country and I still didn't understand how to invest in myself properly. Time is the most sought after currency of energy. Once its spent it could never return. I was born in the USA but I am from Panama and the Caribbean islands. I climb trees to get to coco nuts , I swim to get fish. I hunt to eat the beast that roam I plant so I may eat from soil. I am self sufficient but not because my father or family showed me. I am aware my spirits want more for me I took the time to listen. They scream my name. My family lost the way the path we have forgotten. I have taken it upon my shoulders made it my job to remind them where we come from and my kids will be the pioneers.