A leap into the unknown

by Yuliia Karabyn (Ukraine)

A leap into the unknown Ukraine

They call me crazy enough. How to say, maybe, I am. Am I? Imagine the situation: I am in Cologne …one week left before going home ...before going back to Ukraine. And all of a sudden I found myself packing up all my stuff piled up within the weeks I spent here, in Cologne, into a little orange suitcase, cleaning in a rush my room, then, quietly slamming the front door. I left. I left for Brussels. Nothing was planned beforehand. As usual, spontaneity. Guess that the deeper desire for something unknown I have, the less fear is left. I lost the train of negative thoughts running through my mind at the moment I hopped off the car at the empty wet train station. Waiting for a blablacar I realized it was right, I have the courage of my convictions. The understanding of rushing into this decision, decision to leave, in fact, disappeared at once. Deep inside I have that good feeling and I knew, there is no recipe for disaster. Sitting in the back seat of the car, surrounded by strangers, l leaned my head against the passenger window to watch the road in complete darkness. There was nothing but darkness...I am totally alluded to it. Undoubtedly, it is my own sort of drugs, my own addiction…With the closed eyes I lingered my breath for seconds, then, slowly exhaled and felt an excitement of freedom. Awareness of having no idea what lied ahead, no idea what was going to happen in the next couple of days fulfilled me with joy, pure joy. It was like a feeling of euphoria. Feel like, finally, I obtain freedom. Like all this time I was slowly drowning and it saves me. Like I was the Fabritius’ chained goldfinch, trapped into a tiny cage and desperately needed to be freed. Feel like I have to come up for fresh air. An hour later, still couldn’t believe my eyes, I was in Brussels on my way to the stranger’s place, fascinated by the silence of an unfamiliar place. What can be more magnificent than to be struck by the beauty of the sleepy town in the dead of night. Having walked around with the toddler’s curiosity, dreadfully trying to keep in memory every single image of the whole city. The dim light of lanterns creates specific atmosphere, evokes a so-called sense of comfort. The uncrowded streets towards the city center visually widen the narrow space between the buildings. The darkness itself hides the defects or rather imperfection which is so ‘invisible’ to human eye right now, but noticeable during the daylight. At this time of night Grand Place, the heart of Brussels, takes the break from the most captious tourists. Looking around you see nothing but outstanding masterpieces that make you speechless for a moment. Spinning round in the middle of square, impressive Guild Halls decorated with gold, the Town Hall with its gothic façade, asymmetry with its legend catch your attention. Nothing more is needed. With the sunrise, the town gets totally different view. Everything hidden into the shadow of the night gets its own bright features. The spectrum of colors mixed together with the shapes creates the forms of life around. Fuelled by good coffee I stood out of ordinary tourists. No map in hands, no list of a must in mind. Getting lost among people is what I was trying to do. Not so much time left for wandering around in slow motion, soaking up the atmosphere, noticing details, but I didn’t care, simply did it. The smell of warm delicious Belgian waffles in the air is irresistible, it watered my mouth forcing to make that one little bite. Chocolate shop windows are another kind of temptation, making majority be weak, me as well. Running in heavy rain to the bus station I tried quickly to find the right bus. Only after settling comfortably into my seat, I realized that it is almost the same time I left for Belgium yesterday. I am on my way again under the cover of darkness, on my way to the new country. ‘Not Afraid’ distracts myself from thousand thoughts. I leap again into the unknown, but this time with a bag full of lasting memories.