"A pair of socks and a red beret"

by Alma Estefanía Peña (Mexico)

Making a local connection Germany

First night away home, the usual noise of dad checking the door´s locks, mom supervising for tenth time that everything is ready for the next day meanwhile my sisters have their "informative hour" in which they get updated with news about friends and homework. All that hustle is just not there; on that night there is only the noise of my thoughts and the memory that seems distant from an existing reality on the other side of the world. That night the loud silence reigns. «Find accommodation, study, phone my parents, get a bike ... The icy wind hits my face so badly but I made it, I'm finally here ». Next morning the sun is barely visible, the harsh expressions do not glimpse more than anguish and bad mood, however « stay positive, I got this ». Three weeks have passed and the magic is in each maze made up of Soviet ruins that seduce me every day, through alleys of dim light and the smell of freshly baked bread, despite the coldness on the surface, I find warmth in the smile of the old woman leaving the church that Sunday at noon. My brown hair and tan skin betray me, -Ausländer- (foreigner) I hear the old women whispering behind me at the supermarket cash-line. « I just hope it stays in a simply comment ». Cloudy days with soft flashes of light announce that the warmth of autumn is offering the last presents it has, the dry leaves of golden tones that lay on the stone floor travel with the breeze that the Baltic Sea brings. With the breeze all worries and fears go away, the girl who arrived a month ago vanishes little by little. The sun appears each time less, the night is longer and people begin to disappear as if there was a predator in the darkness, however, the moonlight provides shelter. The jacket is no longer enough, the cold seems to freeze the feelings, despite that there she is again, the old woman with red beret and beige jacket, again that smile that defrosts my armor which I´ve forged as a means of survival. Five months and at last appears my dear friend, incandescent star of life, I never thought I´d miss you. On the way to work you can see the square full of people who seem to come out from underground, a new city is born. The florist opens again, the restaurants take out tables for customers to enjoy the sunlight, the old man ill-faced who slowly walks down the Avenue, carries his cup of coffee as usual, but today he wears a Hawaiian shirt and sandals, adding his personal style by not taking off his socks, his expression is still hard but this time the blush in his face points out the high temperature. Everything seems to exist once again, even the cherry trees next to my place start to bloom. Sunny Sunday, she smiles again to everyone who crosses, this time I notice the effort involved in coming down the stairs, I get closer and she leans her hand on my shoulder, a flash in her peculiar smile I translate it into a “thank you”. « Unbelievable! There´s no place to park the bike! I'm late for work and tomorrow my presentation ». I run through the crowd in the main square and this time the socks are not part of the outfit, these were replaced by colorful sunglasses. The sun in all it´s splendor, the cherry trees all in rose color, classes ended and the time to return is near, the streets that used to be labyrinths became my escape routes, the port my place of retirement and the silence... my absolute accomplice. This stage is coming to it´s end, not only happening outside, but also inside me, I never thought I would leave a part of me with each season, it saddens me to know that I couldn´t say goodbye to the old me, that my light changed it´s color. Sunday, 11:30 am «Today I´ll tell her how her smile brought clarity in the days of greatest darkness, yes, I will! ». Despite awaiting, she didn´t appear, I might never see her again.