A shiny gloom

by Ludovica Marchionni (Italy)

I didn't expect to find USA

Shares

I have dreamed about its lights for my whole life. Every time I saw a film set there I started to dream with open eyes. The place of parties and limousines, of colours, of music and spectacular fountains. Everything was possible there: anyone can become a millionaire in less than one second or get married in one night. Sin City can change your life. I arrived on a warm September afternoon. We had been driving through the desert of Nevada for the past six hours and I couldn’t wait to get there. Suddenly the first lights showed up in the distance. Welcome to the fabulous Las Vegas! The Strip seemed to be an endless road of lit and luxurious casinos. The erupting volcano in front of the Mirage, the Caesars Palace, the dancing fountain in front of Bellagio, the Flamingo. Everything I've always seen on a screen was now in front of me. A feast for the eyes. Exactly as I expected, only multiplied by ten. I was dazed. We decided to enter the most famous casino of Las Vegas. Inside, the Caesars Palace was incredibly full. Where did all those people come from? The atmosphere was unreal. Well dressed persons were playing blackjack in a setting that recalled a roman ancient temple. I was enchanted by the agility of the goupies mixing cards. I wished I know how to play. Statues of Julius Caesar and gladiators were everywhere together with lit pools, bars and modern restaurants. There was even a theater called Colosseum that made me feel like at home for a while. Once outside I felt like I’ve just came out from another world. The Strip looked so forlorn now. An unexpected apathy caught me. I felt I was walking in a city made of lego: unreal. The more the streets emptied, the more I felt uncomfortable. The fabulous city was now a place wracked by desperation and dingy. We entered another casino. I was shocked by how many people were there. I felt like I've always been blinded. Elegant clothes hid despairing souls hitting the tables in a last-ditch attempt to win big. In the slot machine area I noticed a beautiful woman. She was staring at the screen, kept pushing the button with the right hand and holding a cigarette in the left. When it was finished she lit immediately another one without turning away from that screen. I’m not even sure she ever blinked. Her eyes were tired. The more I looked at her the more she was loosing human appearance. She was like a robot instead, that looked like she had been there in front of that screen since forever. I could've stared at her for hours and she wouldn't notice it. She looked as hypnotized. I wonder how long she stayed there after I left. I felt sorry for her. I don’t know how much time had passed. I’ve lost track of time. Inside casinos time doesn’t matter. Everything has no beginning and no end. Everything now was dull and anxious at the same time. I couldn’t feel the sense of pleasure and fun anymore. Nobody showed any kind of feeling. I felt like the only human being inside that building. I was scared. I started to look for the exit but I found myself lost. I realized only now that there are no windows and no signs. This place is purposefully designed to make you lost. Outside all those amazing casinos lure people to enter promising an extraordinary place. Inside they look exactly the same one another and at a certain point you don’t even remember in which one you are. I wandered without knowing if I was getting close or far from the exit. It was like if someone was asking me to leave. There's no space in Vegas for those who don’t want to play. Everything is fake. Casinos themselves aren't even authentic. The most famous are designed to look like other places. The Eiffel Tower, the egyptian Luxor, the Statue of Liberty, little Venice, Monte Carlo. Nothing is true. Unless you consider money to be true. Money is all that matters here. This thought made me want to cry.