A torn trip to Himalayas- With fulfilled soul

by Shubhangini Dubey (India)

A leap into the unknown India

Dying of headache, fighting inner-self and working continuously for more than 20 hours, especially in a media house during parliamentary elections were enough to develop hazardous symptom of extreme depression. It was last working day when I resigned my 2nd job and went to cure my depression in the mesmerizing beauty and spiritual ambiance of Himalayas. Without informing in office I directly boarded to railway station to catch the next train from my town to Himalayas which was almost 1040 kms from my place. It was 5 am of the 2nd day of my journey I reached Himalaya. Only thing I was wearing was a shirt and a trouser. I was able to feel the falling temperature of my blood inside visible veins. For a moment I felt my blood is frozen. I wasn’t even able to fold my fingers and I was enjoying the thought of my peaceful death in Himalayas far from family. But reality was something else. I wasn’t the one who was dying. It was the death of my depression. I was filled with feeling of calmness inside me. But little I know this could be changing me forever. Regarded as sacred power place on earth, and Abode of God, the giant mountains covered with snow revealed the insignificance of mankind. It was 7:00 am in the morning I reached a nearby hotel all alone and realized an awkward facial expression of Hotel Manager. In a moment, I realized he was starring at my torn out not so fashioned jute bag self made top (to protect myself from cold) which I stole from the railway station. I was looking too grumpy and way poorer in the outfit. In India, still parent wake their children to remind them of office (even if they are miles away) my cell phone was dead it wasn’t working. I was assuming soon dad will call me & what will happen if they will know I just quit my job & now wondering unconsciously in the valleys of Himalaya like a nomad. Thousands of thoughts were making me feel horrible but the calmness & serendipity of nature was acting like an ointment on thoughts. I was getting cured by my depression. I was releasing it wasn’t just the pressure of job which made me depressed, it was something more than that. It was depression of not accepting myself as a homosexual. It was depression of losing myself badly in love with a straight girl. But the continuous decreasing temperature in the lap of Himalayas was there to cure & filter my thoughts. After a while I was able to feel my own breathe. Wearing the unusual cloths made of Jute I entered inside my room in that hotel. It was too cold I was unable to take off my cloths of to bath. That day I was forced to wear same cloth because I brought nothing with myself & soon I left the room of hotel to be a nomad again. After walking for a mile I reached an Ashram, some saints were meditating. I was the only outsider who was standing outside and starring to the Ashram without even blinking. In my whole life I never felt such peace which I found in those few moments standing by the Ashram. I decided not to inform my family where I was for few days & wanted to spend some part of my life in Himalayas. I was able to sense spirituality in my soul and I headed back to my room to plan further months as a full time traveler in Himalayas.