Americans Care So Much

by Kris Bird (United States of America)

Making a local connection Israel

“Americans, how you say… they care so much.” I smiled to myself as this was the second time this year I had heard this phrase come from a person who lived on opposite sides of the world. My husband and I applied and were accepted to a program called “Honeymoon Israel.” We would be touring the country with 18 other Jewish or Half-Jewish couples from our home city of Atlanta and joined by a few couples who lived Israel as well. I don’t know what I could have told my past self to expect out of this, but by the end of it, I felt as though I had been on this trip with these people for thousands of years. We hit all the usual spots in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv as well as a few not-so-usual spots such as a Kibbutz in Galilee or an abandoned military base overlooking Syria. But the parts that stood out to me on this trip were not the places but the people. Although the people in my tour group came from all walks of life, we had all managed to bond over our experiences living Jewishly in America. We even found that the couples from Israel were all going through the exact same experiences as we were; everything from when to have kids, to Jewish mother-in-laws, to “Why can’t she just pick a place to eat already.” Along our journey we met activists, artists and community leaders who all assured us that we could “ask any question.” At first, as Americans, we scoffed at the idea thinking: no stupid questions, just stupid people, right? But coming from a censured country currently in turmoil, it was all too tempting to take full advantage of this rule. “How did the Holocaust affect you?” “What do you think of your current leader?” “How do you feel about the politics going on in the U.S.?” Then a funny thing happened, everyone we were meeting; from the sweet old woman who owned a family winery and doled out marriage advice with each pour, to the Israeli singer who ensured us that rockets going off was just as fun as fireworks, each met our questions with tasteful, patient and complex answers. So we began to break our walls down, not only with the extraordinary people we were meeting, but with each other. We began to wonder what all the fuss was about back home and why can’t everyone just have mature conversations like these without getting so up-in-arms. For the second time this year, I heard someone from a foreign country describe Americans as “caring so much.” Which sounds like a nice label until the caring turns into arguing, and the arguing turns into stress and eventually hatred. Or perhaps the problem is not caring too much, but caring about the wrong things. It always amazes me how travel can put your life into perspective so easily while you struggle so fervently with these issues for years at home. Before this trip, I struggled with what I “was.” When asked before, I would say “Well, my husband is Jewish and I’m well…I was raised Christian but I haven’t identified with that in a long time…. and we don’t go to church or synagogue…” I cannot express into words what it meant to meet people who were struggling with this exact same problem as me on the other side of the globe. I learned from Avraham Infeld that Judaism was a culture, a people, not just a religion and everywhere we struggle with that identity and sense of community. But most of all, I learned that I need to stop caring so much about whether or not I am doing this right. Because Judaism can mean whatever I want it to mean, and maybe I don’t have to worry so much about the fact that I haven't shown my face in a religious sanctum in years and try and enjoy the more precious parts of life like family, finding joy, and going to a 90’s rock show with my new Jewish community.