An Irish Welcome

by Leon Simon (Australia)

Making a local connection Ireland

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An Irish Welcome It was 2014 and I was working in an Irish Pub in Oslo, Norway. I was coaching with the Norwegian women's rugby team and was due to go to Kinsale, Ireland for a tournament. As it happened the tournament got cancelled but I decided to go to Ireland anyways, I had never been there. 2 beers in to after work drinks at 2am, I described the situation to my work mate Johnny Boy who was Irish, from Rosscommon. “Well Fuck it mate, your not going to go to Ireland without me, I am coming wid ya! “ he stammered. So off I went to Ireland, I had a massive 2 days on the piss and then picked up Johnny boy from Dublin international airport and drove to Rosscommon where his parents lived in a 2 bedroom house and Johnny Boy had 9 brothers and sisters ! We walked through the door; and Johnny who hadn't been home in 6 months, wearing the latest Scandinavian skin tight jeans, exclaims “Mother” As I follow him through the door, his mum, Mary Mcdermott retorts without a blink “Johnny it's true ya brought a man wid ya dis time “ As I am laughing and smiling I am thinking “Fuck me where am I ?” Mary then turns to me and quips “Leon boy ya fancy a whisky ? “ “Nah cheers Mary I am pretty dusty “ I reply “That's alright I will sort ya out boy “ she says as if somewhere in her innate Irish Mothering abilities she knows better and pours me a wine glass full of straight Jamieson Whisky and hands it to me. I turn over to the kitchen table and sitting down is a large middle aged woman with short blonde hair, carrying a few extra kilos drinking Gin and Tonic. “Leon boy, nice to meet you, Trish “ she says as she sips her drink, while siting at the rustic kitchen table. She continues in her thick, Irish accent and confident voice “I know I happen to be a plump woman, but I'll have ya know I don't actually eat that much - my children do, and I just like to make sure there is not a scrap left on their plates “ “Anyways I do tell ya, I do know the book of Karma Sutra, and it all happens to be the same if you turn off the lights!” As Johnny boy is now sitting at the end of the table next to her as we all laugh, she then turns to him and starts rubbing his chest. “ Fancy turning off the lights Johnny Boy !? “ At this stage I am losing it laughing and thinking to myself, “pinch me where am I, this can't be real, absolute gold “ Trish then turns straight faced to the other end of the table where Johnnys brother Jimmy is sitting, with a big red beard and red hair smiling back at Trish. Trish then pipes up “And Don't think I have forgotten about you down there Ging Ging” ! Welcome to Ireland.