As the white monkey that I am

by Anneleen Lambrecht (Netherlands)

A leap into the unknown Netherlands

The first thing I think when I get off the bus in Kunming, is: ‘Woah, never-ever am I leaving this place!’ It is surprisingly pleasant. I want to live here. The temperature is just perfect. The sun is shining, but not too brightly. It is not too dry, neither too humid. The subtlest breeze adds a playful note. The bus stopped next to the entrance of a city park. I take a peek inside and see a rather big lake, with ducks peacefully floating in between people on paddle boats. Children are buying colourful round snacks on sticks that do not look edible to me – I wonder what they are. I take a moment to try and grasp the essence of the city. Five minutes in the City of Eternal Spring, and I am sold. I am quite abruptly pulled out of my reverie by a sudden painful sensation in my upper arm – I give some sort of shout and see that a woman has grabbed me by the arm. Before I even realise, she has quite skilfully arranged herself and her three children around me and is rapidly taking a countless amount of selfies of the rather eclectic assembly that I seem to be the centre of. She keeps on holding on to my arm very firmly, without trying to communicate with me at all. After having taken the appropriate amount of pictures, she lets go of my arm and collects her children. They hold hands and obediently follow her as she is on her way. She leaves me startled, and I just stand there for a minute or two. I think I should read up on China’s one-child policy, and I am now heading to my hostel. I make a step or three and see a minuscule dog with star-shaped sunglasses on and a little purple jacket. When the owner notices my interest in his living gadget, he picks it up and sticks the dog in my face. He utters encouraging sounds while nodding repeatedly. I realise that the dog’s haircut is trendier than every single haircut I have had in my life. I understand that the man wants me to do something, so I take a picture of the animal and he urges me to take some more. He places the dog in my arms and takes more than a few pictures of the two of us in return. At the hostel a friendly lady greets me – in English, what a relief! I tell her about my adventures and she says: ‘You are white. Do you want a cup of hot water?’ One of the reasons that I picked Kunming for my first trip to China, is that I have a friend who lives here. She picks me up at the hostel and takes me for a stroll. ‘We’re going out tonight,’ she says. ‘My boyfriend and I are performing at a bar.’ I get distracted for a moment as I notice that someone is taking a picture of the two of us. I tell her that I did not know that she had any musical talent or ambitions. She replies that that doesn’t matter, it’s good money. ‘We are the white monkeys, and they pay to see us.’ So a few hours later I find myself in a bar filled with hip looking youngsters. I drink my beer while I watch my friend performing. It is a rather mediocre show. The crowd goes crazy though, they scream and giggle as they drink huge amounts of alcohol. One hip looking girl has been staring at me for a while. I give her an inviting smile and as she sits down next to me, she asks: ‘Do you speak Mandarin?’ ‘Unfortunately not’ I reply, and wide-eyedly she asks ‘Why not?’ I had no sensible answer to that question. After the show I take the bus back to the hotel. I sit next to an elderly lady who gently pats my arm. She giggles and does it again. She points at me and laughs. ‘This is going to be quite a trip,’ I think to myself, and that night I can hardly sleep because I cannot contain my excitement.