Backpacking through a murder scene in heaven.

by Dua Abid (Pakistan)

Making a local connection India

Have you ever seen beauty cradling chaos? A question I not once thought I would answer with a yes. Yes! I have seen it, from the eyes of the ones who suffered and endured a war for and against freedom yet with no freedom for 72 years. No one thought that the valley of heaven would allow hell to take birth in its own belly. The Ego of two strong beasts being the death of a million weak. Innocent slaves of the unjust animosity of demons ruling heaven with filth and dirt covering layers of hypocrisy. “Don’t you ever think of running away, just leaving Kashmir?” I paused remembering how my ancestors had fled this very land about 60 years prior, “being free I mean?” I blurted out unconsciously. My eyes circled from the veranda to Shifa’s smile which felt as cold as the icy mountains surrounding the valley and this small village full of survivors. Shifa was one of the survivors who had run away from her village to find safe grounds. A very pregnant young girl in her early 20’s with a grave talent for knitting and hospitality so abundant that she unlocked her house and heart for me till my visit lasted. A light laugh escaped her lips as she countered me “Do you leave your house when guests with naughty kids come to visit or do you wait for them to leave?” Her question bringing me back to all my senses as I sat there staring at her face, dumbfound. “I can’t leave my home beni, but I can wait for the guests to leave. This valley is where my life is, and I can’t punish my unborn child by depriving it from the beauty that the world craves to witness.” she said in the softest tone as the sound of the onions dancing in hot oil played a melody for her words. “What happened?” I asked, making the wooden spoon in Shifa’s hand come to a halt as she tried hard not to glance in my direction, hesitation clear in her movements. “I lost my husband about four months ago” a quiet pause- still anticipating whether to continue or not, her decision in my favor as she started again “It was a couple days after I had found out about my pregnancy. Jamshed my husband was ecstatic and we had a great feast that night, I remember his smile so clearly, his beautiful smile, he couldn’t stop smiling the whole night” tears now flowing down her pale porcelain skin as she stared at a distance as if replaying the moment again in her mind. My eyes also filled to the brim, as I diverted my gaze from her face and looked out the open window, my eyes falling on the small children playing at a distance in the open field. Shifa sucked in a breath and wiped the mourning of her face with her dupatta. “And then I remember fear, panic and pain. The soldiers from the Indian military abducted our village when we least expected it. They forced every male out of the houses and made us watch as they shot every single one of them. Not a single individual with genitals left in our village, only the screams of the ones abandoned after.” My eyes rejected to hold anymore tears in as my mind betrayed me and played the images of Shifa screaming in agony as if I had witnessed the event first-hand. I couldn’t say anything more. The beauty that engulfed this valley contrasted the wrath burning up in this girls psyche. A sane mind would never suffer such pain and misery, but maybe the pain and misery had made her insane way before being embraced by sanity, and this insanity was her love for her land that gravitated her to stay even if it meant the loss of everything this woman treasured or maybe I’m just a delusional writer and she is only trying to breath, waiting until death brought her peace. “Lunch is ready” her delicate voice bringing me back to reality - my tears came to a halt as her warm smile comforted me “yes please, I’m famished.”