Blood on the Snow

by Kristel Casagranda (Brazil)

Making a local connection Finland

Everything started with blood on the snow, and ended with tears… Tears, which will never meet the ground. I thought the biggest contrast I would feel here would be the climate variation from a tropical country to a frozen land in the middle of Northern Finland. However, nothing compares to the red spot on the infinite white. -No touch. -A Nordic man came out from nowhere. He looked like a giant, at least to a young, short girl like me. -Her head is bleeding. – I complained, pointing to the reindeer. -I know. Change horn. Normal. Winter. -Despite his words, something in that realization hurt him. The strange Nordic man approached the white reindeer as if they were old friends. He kneeled to reach his eye level and looked inside them. He leaned his head to the right and so did the white animal. -Who are you? -The words came out of my mouth before I could stop. He didn’t answer, he was lost in his friend’s pain. A gust of wind made its path through the trees. A tremor shook my body, while my teeth started to tremble. My whole body complained about the cold. The mysterious man after a single glance at me started to walk away leaving two words behind: hot and beverage. He didn’t have to call twice. As we left, the old reindeer made a grunt, which reminded me of a child calling a mother: “Mom, please, stay”. Some moments later, I was inside a triangular tent, drinking some kind of… Well… Something hot. However, inside me, something was even hotter, calling to boil. -Who are you?- I asked again. -Sámi people. While I was trying to remember where I had heard that name before, he interrupted my thoughts trying his English: -Reindeer no like you. -Me? -I was a little shocked, I admit. My pride was hurt. -You people. You came. Years ago. -We did? -It was not a question. -Sámi. Be sedentary. Sámi, be Christian. Sámi, speak Swedish, Finnish, English. Sámi… sell reindeers. Make useful. -He stopped to breathe -No all Sámis agreed. No useful. Die. He was not referring to reindeers that time. So, I realized the reindeer’s blood was not the only one that dyed the snow red. -No many Sámi today. Today less. Tomorrow less. I started trembling, but it wasn’t the cold. He continued: -Reindeer friend. No kill friend because no useful. You kill. -I don't know if he was talking about the reindeers or his own people, not that it makes a big difference-Why girl? I remembered the indigenous genocide, and his words floated inside my mind: "No useful", "you kill". He insisted: -Why? His English was not good, and I don’t speak Finnish, or his dialect, but even if I did, I also wouldn’t have had the words to answer. So I just looked into his eyes, the same way I watched him with the old reindeer friend some minutes before, and it was the deepest conversation I’ve ever had. He told me about abuse, and love. About cold, and warm. About peace, and war. But, above all, he told me about friendship, and losses. About me? I just hope my eyes had shown how broken I was inside. If I was made of ice, it would be in pieces now. I hope my eyes had apologized. A remaining ray of sun invaded the Sámi tent and I caught a glimpse of something shining in his face. It’s the last memory I have of this strange friend I have never met again. Until nowadays I don’t know if he realized I saw the frozen tears in his face he tried to hide, but the Sun revealed. In Finland, you can hide your burdens, but not your pain. While you hide scars under tons of clothes, tears are marked, frozen instantly on the face. I know it, because I cried too, and I felt that freezing. When I came back to Brazil, my tears had already thawed, but the souvenir of the man who I don’t know even the name of is frozen inside me. The tears which have never reached the snow, reached me.