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“You’re brave,” people said to me. Even then I didn't really understand what that meant and even now I don't really know. I suppose it’s subjective really. It’s been more than a year since I’ve come back from my “late” overseas exchange in Canada. “Fear is the unknown and being brave is being scared but doing it anyway,” my boyfriend at the time told me. These words stuck to me. But in which case isn’t every waking moment a brave step in itself? We don’t know whether some natural disaster will happen today in Auckland. We just assume it won’t, based on the fact, it hasn't happened yet. Since coming back to New Zealand, I have felt the most anxiety stricken than I have ever been when I was traveling. Maybe because there was a lot less concern for, will I be able to buy a house one day? Or do I have enough income to go hang out with my friends today? I’ve also noticed there is such a big difference between travelers and those of my homebody friends. I respect the hard-working attitude they have to stay in one spot for so long. But that respect also makes me anxious about how much I fall short. I am less and less confident each day about the amount of impact I will have on the world if I stay idle. I felt like I was succeeding when I was traveling because I felt brave for quitting my job. Living without security. I knew that for some people, it wasn’t an option, either from a monetary or mental standpoint. But now, coming back and trying to assimilate into what is deemed a more applicable life. Where I should work nine to five to slowly save my way towards security, I’m finding it very difficult to even get into the game. I wonder if there is something wrong with me. I wonder whether it’s because of the Coronavirus and whether this is xenophobia. I wonder if I’m not experienced enough or whether I’ve made mistakes on my resume. When it comes right down to it, it's the fear that it is just me as a person that is wrong. Since fear is the unknown, I suppose I will never really know what is wrong. I cannot speak about my experiences of people who could not travel from a monetary capacity. However alternative to my anxiety stricken self, I always have to remind myself that money comes back eventually. As such, most people I’ve met feel like they were only limited by their own mindsets. “Oh, she could stay in a hostel, but definitely not you.” An ex-co-worker said to me once. I was offended and set out to prove them wrong. And I did. Not only did I stay at a hostel I worked at one too. Looking back, they didn't know me at all. However, the words hit me hard, always wondering why she would limit my potential. During my travels, I met people who enlightened me on this issue. I realized that she was just reflecting her opinions on me. She would never stay in a hostel and in turn subjected this opinion onto me. So, maybe she was not brave enough to stay in a hostel but hey, she has a job. And I’m sure she is brave in so many other ways that I could not fathom. Did I fail to mention that she was a mother? She often talked about wanting to travel, but she had two children. The skeptic in me has met solo mother travelers before, but most importantly the compassionate side wants to understand. Being there for your children is a lot of work. Able to support your children, wake up every day and stay calm if they are in turmoil is an act of bravery in itself. And I can respect that too. I think every day is a leap into the unknown. Being brave is defined by outsiders as what they can only hope to do but can’t.