Choices

by Barbara Musingarabwi (South Africa)

A leap into the unknown South Africa

I have been told I cannot a number of times, rejected a number of times too. I told myself I was strong enough that I would use it as a fuelling factor yet it resonated deeply with me. It irked me and created a negative impact that only left me feeling drowned out and too depressed to act on my newfound paradoxical form of motivation. Thinking back on it now, I realize I have underestimated the power I possess. Mainly the power of choice, I cannot express this deeply and adamantly enough, choice is an ultimate power. Not only does it cause a shift in our lives but it compels and attracts certain energies to it. Each action, word spoken, initiative taken is merely a product of the strings of choices we have decided to take in this path called life. It was on a hazy and grey morning; I had lost track of the days and felt almost morphed to my bed but I made the choice that I would be moving to Cape Town. A city I barely knew anything about or anyone there for that matter. I was taking a total leap of faith in a city famous for its beautiful mountains, beaches and winelands. I was taking a total leap of faith in my ability to travel and live alone, it was truly a leap into the unknown. I had been going through a depressive episode that honestly felt like a lifetime and I knew something had to change. I had to do something drastic; I had to at least try to save myself, so I made the choice that I needed a change of scenery. My trip to Cape Town was one that made me question my decision. For some reason on that early morning with everything packed and ready I ordered an Uber that ended up getting lost and arriving late to pick me up. I arrived at the airport seven minutes after they had just closed the check in gate. I was devastated and my heart sank when they told me I would have to stand in line to book the next flight. I wondered if I had made the right choice in my attempt of going to Cape Town, I thought the universe was surely not happy with my choice and it was desperately trying to stop me. Luckily enough, the universe had a change of heart and the boarding time was extended which meant I could check in for my initial flight. My adventure had just begun… Eight months later and completely settling into the Capetonian lifestyle, I can proudly say I am glad I made that life changing choice. Many things have happened within these eight months. I have formed beautiful friendships, strengthened connections, I am working in a field that I have fallen in love with and I am continuously self-improving. I still get depressed from time to time, as a matter of fact I recently had what I would call the worst depressive episode I have ever experienced that was partnered with anxiety but most importantly is that I made it through. That is the thing about travelling, it cannot merely just be pertained to physicality and location it is a melting pot that involves the mind through thoughts, emotions and revelations. Each experience can be eye opening and some moments will resonate with us for the rest of our lives. This journey has been the right leap into the unknown for me. I am in happy state regardless of the fact that I cannot have everything go my way however, it has been a learning experience that I would recommend to anyone. So make that choice and take that risk because you will not know unless you try, take a leap into the unknown.