Cliff Diving in Life

by Jamie Fournier (Philippines)

A leap into the unknown Philippines

The world suddenly moved at a slower pace as I looked up the cliff I had to climb. The thick but old rope we used that hung by the side of the rocks did not offer any relief at all, sadly. And yet there I was, still climbing up. "If they’re okay doing this; I’ll be okay,” I told myself.  This was the Ko Phi Phi day tour package’s highlight - the ‘unforgettable’ cliff diving experience. “Just 60 feet above,” said the tour guide. As soon as I climbed five steps up, I knew there was no way out. Two days into the trip and this is exactly what I dared myself to do. This was an I-just-got-out-of-a-three-year-unhealthy-relationship solo trip; A litmus test of where my strength and bravery would take me. And if it was bravery I was after; There was no way I was gonna jump down after five steps up. So up I went, following the trail of my fearless companions. When we finally reached the peak of the cliff, the others without any hesitation started to showcase their jumps and backflips. So reckless, so…free. I was never that free. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, bent my knees, and I jumped off that 60-foot cliff! Free. Fearful for sure, but oh so free. The distance from the edge of that cliff down to the surface of the water felt like a blur. I faintly hear and feel the splash as I hit the water. My eyes still closed. I felt my body get sucked deep into the water quickly. I swam up panicking back to our tiny tour boat. I managed to climb up two steps up the ladder. And that’s when the world seemed to slow down again. That’s when I felt it - PAIN. I could not move my body any further. Then trickling down my cheeks, blood. I had somehow gotten my right eyelid cut and it was bleeding profusely. My back felt like I had lain on a bed of thick unforgiving needles. They helped me get on the boat by lifting my body. Despite the PAIN, the tour and day continued. I opted to stay with them. We went to Maya Bay then a quiet spot by a rock formation where we swam with glowing planktons. It felt like we were swimming with the stars. That was the last spot for the day tour. We headed back to party island Ko Phi Phi where the beaches are lined with fire dances and enveloped with electronic beats from the competing resorts and where my pain was drowned out by the rush of it all. For the rest of the trip around Thailand, I visited Railay and Kata before flying back home to Manila. These last two stops were spent exploring the busy streets, devouring fresh and delicious street pad-thais, enjoying pink and orange painted sunsets from roof decks, and meeting more people. I did all this, still with excruciating back pain, but with overflowing happiness over what I had discovered about myself through it all. Back in Manila, after a visit to the emergency room, I found out that I had a T12 burst fracture. I apparently landed on the water in the wrong position. My knee also hit my right eye which explains the deep cut. A burst fracture is when your vertebra breaks in multiple directions. Had some bits of my T12 hit my spinal cord, I would have been paralysed. I had to wear a brace for two months at 29 years old. I had to go through physical therapy for another two months to help strengthen my core. I had to leave my training job which required sitting and standing for long periods of time. Life changed after that day in Ko Phi Phi, but for the better. I had not only leapt off that cliff wanting to complete just cliff diving that day - but I was finally able to swallow my fear and just let go. I came back knowing I was braver than I thought I was. I came back knowing I was okay on my own, I was strong and brave enough to power through.