December first, twenty nineteen

by Lindiwe Radebe (South Africa)

A leap into the unknown South Africa

December first, twenty nineteen It's December first twenty nineteen. It’s the last church service for the year. You see, some African spiritual churches pause for a certain period of the year. Generally, around Christmas time for various reasons, but mainly to observe the birth of Jesus and his spirit. Sounds much like a paradox when compared to the Western traditions of observing Christs’ birth, life & death. They would do it from within the church house. We observe by putting into practice the life and deeds of Christ. The belief system is very staunch and consists of very devout Christians but who's faith is intertwined with African spiritualism. It is truly a beautiful thing to observe and be a part of. There is no higher sense of connectedness with The One, whoever you choose to call Him. Nothing, can lift you higher spiritually. On the other side of this devout, reverent and zealous girl, is a young woman born and bred in the heart of what is factually, Africa’s most cosmopolitan city: Johannesburg! My name is Jo, short for Johanna. It is just a few weeks before my thirty second birthday. I’m a mother to the most adorable four-year old boy. A few months ago, I ended what felt like the most painful five-year period of my existence. I think* he thought he loved me. In hindsight, I know for a fact he didn’t; he doesn’t know what it Actually means to love someone. I can say this confidently now because on December first twenty nineteen (1 December 2019) I met the love of my life! It probably sounds like I copied and pasted a line straight out of a Danielle Steel romance novel but Lord, she is perfect! No one is perfect, but she is perfect; for me! Yes, I said, she. I’m stuck in a trance, completely besotted, deep in love with a girl. In some countries on the African continent, you could get killed, for making public your non heterosexual lifestyle. South Africa though, is a lot more liberal. It’s a democratic state with lots of human rights activists and advocates. For the most part, I feel safe. Gugu, that’s her name. Its short for Gugulethu which means: Our Pride. She makes me smile, with my heart. We only really started talking about three months ago, but it feels like our spirits started the conversation aeons ago. She is a traditional healer (sangoma). The most ironic part of our coming together, is that we met in church. The church scribe, typical city girl who happens to be an interior designer getting together with an entrepreneurially spirited traditional healer in the heart of South Africa’s most publicised township of Soweto. What are the actual chances?! For obvious reasons, I tried really hard; through prayer, fasting and supplication; begging for these feelings to be taken away from me. You see happy endings aren’t for girls like me. I’ve been hurt too many times to even dare believe that such a deep, pure form of love, connectedness and respect could actually be mine. All mine. That something so beautiful and unadulterated could be born out of something that is perceived as the ultimate symbol of sin! How dare I love again so soon right? How dare I want to be happy? How dare I disturb the peace? How dare I want to build a life and family without a man? How dare I want to continue and serve my God and still love and want to be with this woman. My soulmate. How is it that I am allowed to love her but never express the full depth and extent of my passion for her? On the first of December twenty nineteen, I met the love of my life. Every bit of marital pain and suffering from both our families ends because of us. A curse will be broken. We will be happy. We will build our home. We will grow old together. We will read, run, travel, laugh, raise our family, cry, work, worship and serve our highest God together. Because our love is real, it too is valid and it will be celebrated!