discovering I'm alive!

by Drena Schonberger (Canada)

I didn't expect to find Spain

When I spent the last of my inheritance on a one month tour of Europe, by myself, I could hardly contain my excitement. What I was expecting exactly, still unaware to this day. Going from city to lively city, taking in every morsel I could as they whirled us around the continent, I admired it all. The grandeur of the architecture, the decadent foods, the history. I felt at home, and each city we went to quickly became my favourite. London, Amsterdam, Heidelberg, Lucerne, Venice, Rome, Florence, Nice... but there was something different about Barcelona. Maybe it was just too many tapas and sangria, or maybe the magic of the city wove it's way in to me to remind me I'm alive. I had been so stuck and hadn't even realized it. Here I was across the world, in a new city full of beauty and spice, and it suddenly descended on me that this was the first real enjoyment I had had in years. Had I really been that asleep? On auto pilot that long? Was I really that unhappy? The answers to those questions I felt ashamed to admit and yet hopeful. The next several days were spent traveling north back towards Paris and Spain's beautifully lush landscape played the backdrop to my newly revealed life crisis. I can still smell the air of Toledo and feel the sun on my face in Madrid, and see the people of Bilbao. With each new region of Spain came a new wave of revelation within my brain stirring a cyclone of confusion within me. The landscape, eerily similar to parts of back home, full of rolling hills and the odd bull advertisement, had me feeling both lost and at peace all at once. I sat back, embraced that peace. I had always dreamt of going to Europe one day, but I never realized it would be the catalyst of me getting my life back. I spent the remainder of the trip, eyes wide open and living every moment. And when I returned home, I packed my things and moved out. And for that, I have Barcelona to thank.