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I was home. Capital H home. I had never known what that would feel like, I would contemplate the idea whenever I saw friends with their cute shirts or signs with states or sayings on them like, “home sweet homa” or at night when I would feel that piece of my soul missing. I would poke and prod at it, peeling it back like a bit of chipped paint and wonder at what it WAS. So many late nights spent wishing and hoping this was my answer and finally I was here. It was like something from a movie, we had landed at an airport so small the travelers walked onto the tarmac to get into the building for their luggage. I ducked my head down to climb out and when I looked up it was like every piece of my soul suddenly clicked into place- finally finding that last piece it had been missing all along. I took a deep breath and broke into a huge smile at the sight of the mountains in the distance, and felt like throwing my arms in the air and calling to them “Hello beautiful! I made it! Did ya miss me!?” Traveling awakened something in my soul that I hadn’t known was there. I didn’t know whether there was a cage around my heart that I had simply grown too big for: or if maybe the cage would tighten and squeeze whenever I needed to feel alive. Whatever it was, it hit me like a whammy every time. It meant that living anywhere for more than two years was a no go for me, even if unintentionally, and it meant that the friendships I had early on in my adult life were problematic and riddled with FOMO. Most importantly, I knew that the pulling feeling of my souls yearnings had to be heard I just didn’t know HOW. It wasn’t until I was already married and had a child that I acted upon my needs. We had been living in a hard period in our marriage and fighting to understand each other’s needs as well as our own. I had spent the better three years as a mom trying to be the VERY best I could be and I was doing a fantastic job, but I was also suffocating my own desires and creative needs. I sat on the couch opposite my spouse and fessed all of my heart’s brokenness. Through sobs I told him “I can spend my life doing nothing more than being a wife and mother, and I can have more kids and feel accomplishment from this- but I know the day I die I will mourn the loss of LIVING this life.” Justin was shocked, but spent the next two days doing something I had never seen in our years together- researching. He learned everything he could about the world I wanted and came to me while I was cooking dinner with a simple, life changing sentence “Let’s do this.” Which meant that first and foremost I needed to be in Scotland. My yearning to be in Scotland mystified everyone around me except for my grandmother and my eyebrow (specialist?). The first because she had heard of nothing else much since I was 13 or 14, and the latter because she had a sense of soul work. She mused that I must have had a soul mate waiting for me there, or a past life calling to me either of which seemed just out of reach but not impossible. Whatever the reason I DID feel an unexplainable need to get to the country, and I was tired of ignoring it. I had been slowly researching and planning for years, but nothing prepared me for the magnitude of our trip. I joined every fb group I could find that would connect me with locals, help me find beautiful or worthy destinations, and to better understand where I would need to go or what I should do in a new country. I spent the entire two weeks there completely blessed out. I had never known the comfort or love of being in YOUR place, and I had finally found it.