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It has been a hard day. Struggling with myself. I do want to remember these days though. How it is before leaving my home for several months, not having a return ticket. Leaving a familiar place and people, going into the unknown. It surely is not easy. There always come moments of unease, restlessness and doubt. A part of the struggle today was buying the airplane tickets. It is almost funny what kind of thoughts ran through my mind. Which pne should I take? Which hours? What day? What route? Searching for the perfect trip. I do so easily forget that every path I take is the perfect one. It brings me something I need. It could even be a revelation, disguised into an unpleasant experience. The important thing is how I deal with it. Can I accept it or do I run away from it? Can I surrender to whatever is there in front of me? Surrendering does not mean passively accepting everything that comes along. To me, it means accepting the things I cannot change. And the situations which I can change? First to accept them also, that they are happening. And from that point move forward, in whichever direction I choose to go. Right now my head is out of my body. My body is out of my head. It is totally disconnected. I try to observe the disconnection and that surely helps. Yet, when the disconnection is too great, I easily wonder away. Into worries. Into uncertainty. Into doubting. Why am I doing this? Is it worth it? Why can't I just stay in a job and not want to explore the world and myself in connection to it? Why can't I be normal? Could it be more simple just staying? I know that is not the answer – staying when my heart is calling. To go. Into the unknown. To trust. To step out of my roles. To become whoever I want to be. To listen. To feel. To move. To follow my heart. I do trust though. Somewhere inside of me right now there is just a small seed of trust and certainty that this is my path. It is enough for now. Tomorrow it can grow! Usually it grows when I board the plane. The peace and easiness it brings. The trust and openness. I do consider myself a very lucky woman. For all the opportunities I have in my life. To be growing up in a country where we have so much abundance. To have the opportunity to just go, explore the world and myself, to experience the world beyond the everyday comfortable and uncomfortable zones. And surely I am grateful for my body. To be loud enough that I can hear what it needs. And also for the power I have to listen to the little voice in me, calling, and to follow it. Just for a while not to pretend and play the different roles in our society but just spread my wings and explore the smallest, deepest fantasies I carry inside. And while doing so, to try my best to leave all the unnecessary things, emotions and memories behind. Observe more and judge less. Try to stay as much as possible in the present moment, whatever that brings. Sometimes I am more, sometimes less successful. I must admit travelling with only a 50-litre backpack that still has lots of space for the fruit I usually consume in enormous quantities makes me feel light. I feel free. We do live in a world where we are supposed to be free. Yet we are so limited by the beliefs we have picked up during our past paths. By the information that is constantly being thrown at us. And we are so limited by fear. To me, overcoming my fears when there is something calling me beyond, means freedom. And that is all I seek for right now. And how does freedom feel? The expansion of my heart and body, like it has no limits, combined with complete presence. Being opened and connected to all there is. It is not always here but visits me more and more often 💓!