How do I feel here, now?

by Lori Henry (United States of America)

A leap into the unknown Canada

What I appreciate the most about traveling isn’t the sights, food or the sheer adventure. I travel to challenge myself to appreciate where I am and what I’m experiencing while demanding myself to unfurl, unclench and unburden from my everyday reality. I challenge myself to see and appreciate people and cultures that are different while not imposing my momentary glance on their life-long experiences. I can only take this temporary exploration and let it sink into my soul to see how it settles. I want to feel how this new experience drops anchor in my body and how I physically perceive it. The question I ask constantly myself is, how do I ‘feel’ here, now? As a Black woman traveling, I’m constantly checking in with my body and asking, “How do I feel?”. Do I feel safe? Do I feel free to explore? Do I feel in the depths of my soul that I can unpack my own collective challenges and enjoy this? As a traveler, I want to feel a lightness in the vibe. I want to experience a carefree approach in the way people peopled. I want to feel the rays of the sun even in gloomy weather. I want to feel unaggrieved and unburdened, if even for a little while. I asked myself how I felt in Toronto, Ontario, Canada last spring, and I answered: Like a ray of sunshine. I was impressed with the sheer diversity of Toronto’s nouns; it’s people, its places and its things. Its people were diverse. I heard so many different languages, saw so many different cultures and experienced so many different types of people just living their life-long experiences. I felt safe to explore its places. I was free to experience and get lost with the reassurance that I would be found. As I explored all the local tourist sights, including the CN Tower, Ripley’s Aquarium, a ferry ride around Toronto Island Park, St. Lawrence Market and Eaton Center, I asked myself: “How do I feel here, now?” I felt like a kid in a candy store and understood why they were a ‘must-see’. I scouted the neighborhoods and delved into its shops. I appreciated the local infrastructure without demanding that it conform to my experience, as I was only a visitor. In Toronto, there was an unfamiliar lightness in my being. I let my momentary exploration sink into my soul and let the experience anchor me and felt my body relax. I let my guard down and ate up this multicultural adventure. I had my first real Vietnamese Bánh mì, my first real authentic Chinese Food, and real fluffy Japanese pancakes. I ate Greek, Korean and Northern American. I feasted on these amazing cultures and savored every bite. Toronto made me feel like the sun was always shining. I adore this business-minded, socially progressive city. For a moment in time, I was able to release the tension I’ve been carrying and truly appreciate where I was and what I was experiencing. I unfurled, unclenched and unburdened myself. The lightness I experienced in Toronto made me homesick for a place I’ve never known. My soul encountered something new and was yearning for a place that didn’t currently exist in my life-long experience. I needed community, equality, love, and understanding. I realize that Toronto certainly isn’t a utopia. And just like any major city, it has its fair share of challenges. But this experience showed me what was possible for humanity. And, isn’t that one of the purposes of travel; to expose you to possibilities? I got a glimpse of a world where I won’t need to demand myself to unfurl, unclench and unburden from my everyday reality. Where I can stop asking how I feel and actually feel. A place where diverse cultures live side by side with the opportunity to explore and appreciate each other. Thank you for everything Toronto! I’ll be back!