I was shocked about something I've already known existed.

by Luqmaan Mc White (South Africa)

A leap into the unknown South Africa

I opened my eyes after a distant travel through Africa, it was a nightmare. This place I called my own existed as my only safehaven where I knew I could wake to, devastated at how expected the unexpected became. I knew there was an unknown place with all the unknown to offer, it was dark and gloomy thought to be... but never so did it turn out. I stood there in the midst of everything bright shining my soul down to it's core, belieiving I might not be deemed worthy as for the major sins commited against me might be overweighed by the minor sins I have commited after all. I realised why I was fearful of the unknown is that I feared standing in heaven before god knowing he allowed me into his heavens after all that I have commited was so many bad deeds, I fear counting them while remembering the sight of it all will be a sin in itself causing myself to watch such a torturous display. All the screaming in agony of even the smallest little creatures I never looked out for when I walked accross the street, crushed by the under part of my shoe or the buzzing flies I swatted against the window to ignore my issue that I don't feel comfortable with my current status that I'm I'm not living my dream. I knew there many other meanings to things, but I devoted myself into only believing in what the eye could see and what the mind could tell. I believed if I begun wondering about these things my mind would stray and I would become so distant in thought from what I was to acquire through thought, but I realized that was all function of taking your mind off things stressful, loosening those gears shifting out of first, because my mind would no longer bare the pressure or it exploded. I felt like l was holding in my pee waiting in line to make us of the toilet, l was at such a distinct argument with myself between whether I should just let go and wet my trousers like a little baby or if I should do the pee per dance and make a clown of myself. At that exact moment I realised that God is forgiving, that he would not have me here had I not been accepted through him into his heavens. I realised that all that I thought I could hide from him, he had already known all good and all my ill deeds and that he knew my every thought. I then looked up at him and I opened up with the biggest smile upon my face, my heart had melted with warmth and God laughed on the same level as me on that day, his laugh hugged my entire being and I just let go knowing I was given full forgiveness for all my misdeeds and rewarded for all my dress. That to me was the feeling of entry into heaven, not knowing whether you're worthy of being there or whether you should be proud knowing that you deserve to be there. That was my knowing of the unknowing, a leap into the unknown. I wondered whoever else found this place and I knew that I I never fought to wake up to my safehaven, I would never be able to tell my story to the world. I have never travelled out of my city, but I had travelled through my dreams to the core of the earth, where the impossible was possible, where there are no opportunities, I create possibilities. I have never found myself so amazed at what I had stumbled upon, but for me that moment I would never let go, that for me was better than the universe and all it's galaxies, the stars wouldn't match it's brightness and the universe would never encompass it's greatness. I wish for all of you such a greatness, just not the same as mine as I wish for all a unique experience, travel my route experincing your own journey and love to tell he world your own story. P.s. Luqmaan Mc White