Into the Unknown: The Present Unfolding

by Anna Pigden (Canada)

A leap into the unknown Costa Rica

In the summer of 2019, I decided to apply for a plant medicine retreat in Costa Rica. I had always felt drawn to healing and nature, but I was never sure how to marry those two things successfully. And then, one day, a website I had been following for years announced that they were hosting an experience that would involve yoga, breath work, meditation and shaman-led ayahuasca ceremonies. I was compelled, but fear stopped me from applying. Until one day, that calm little voice in my head told me, “it’s time.” I booked a flight for January 30. The driver from the airport shuttle service arrived ten minutes early, just in time to see me break down in tears as I prepared to leave my house; I knew I wouldn’t be coming back home as the same person. And I was terrified. What transpired in the next month and a half can only be described as magical. Divine. Life-changing. I arrived in San José a few days ahead of the retreat. I met a young German couple in the hostel I was staying at and we hiked up to the Cruz de Alajuelita together: a gruelling trek in which we lost the trail on our descent and had to carve our own path through the wild. I came out of that journey with jello legs, a big stupid grin on my face, and a newfound appreciation for just how strong I can be. The next day, I took an 8 hour bus ride through the mountains with a fellow retreat participant. We passed the time talking about our hopes and fears for the week ahead; she told me about her husband’s experience at the previous Apotheosis -- how a joyful man had morphed into the embodiment of love and happiness -- and I spoke of my feelings of being stuck and unsure of my place in the world. At the end of the weeklong journey, I’d say we both got exactly what we wanted. Or rather, what we needed. The retreat itself was utterly metamorphic. To say that the venue, Finca Exotica, was paradise would do it a disservice; it was perfection. Situated 40km off-grid in the jungle of the Osa Peninsula, it provided the perfect backdrop to the transformational magic that our group of ~30 experienced. Sitting with ayahuasca was one of the most profound experiences of my life, rivalled only by the mindfulness workshops provided by the HighExistence team. The deep, vulnerable work that a group of strangers willingly undertook with each other was nothing short of miraculous, and we left the jungle as a family. I could write an entire book on my experiences both on the retreat and after: from talking all night after the second ceremony and wandering down to the beach just in time to watch the sun crest over an unspoilt shoreline with 6 beautiful humans; to camping next to a waterfall with a vagabond in Montezuma; to taking nearly every form of transportation possible to get to a friend of a friend in Arenal; to arriving at the gates of Envision Festival with no ticket and being granted entry, and all the adventures in between. And all of these events — save for the retreat itself — happened with no prior planning on my part. Absolutely none. As I write this, I am sitting alone in a cabin on a rainforest reserve near San Isidro de General. My name is on a ticket home in 3 days, but I have no idea if my body will be on that plane. So many incredible opportunities are developing before me, and much like this trip, I have absolutely no clue what tomorrow will bring. And I could not be more excited to witness the present unfolding in the beautiful way that it does. They say life is what happens while you’re busy making plans; so I say, scrap those plans, and let the flow of life lead you where it may. Guilt and Shame live in the past, Fear and Failure live in the future, so be here now and surrender to the magic of the present. Take a leap into the unknown.