Key to my Freedom

by Vanessa Smith (United States of America)

I didn't expect to find Brazil

There I was, on an 11-hour boat ride unaware of the adventure I was embarking on. Journeying to a remote village along the Amazon river in Brazil. Verdum was the name of the small and secluded place I was traveling to. I was an open minded girl heading to volunteer, clueless that I was going to make a self-discovery. On my way to a 250 habitant village, I didn’t expect to find the pain that I had locked away in the basement of my being. This journey was the key to unlock and free that pain. Verdum was a beautiful place. The village encompassed large, full trees that have aged with grace and wisdom, being fed with the heavy rains that poured everyday. There were diverse animals from the common dog to baby alligators, even monkeys that were kept as household pets. There were bugs large enough to be caught then placed on your shoulder. Even enormous and tiny mosquitoes that laughed at commercial mosquito repellent. I was in in awe. Coming from Los Angeles, I was not prepared to sleep in either a small tent or in a hammock draped with a net. I showered in a small wooden room where I used water from a rain barrel. I truly was ”far away from home.” The environment was a new experience for me. From 6am in the morning, the sun is already awake ready to begin its day. The sun has an intense presence that cannot be forgotten. Being from Los Angeles, I’m not unfamiliar to hot weather but the heat in the Amazon is not hospitable to foreigners. However, the rain is your friend. Rain is life to everybody and everything in the Amazon. It nourishes the land, the animals, and it brings a cooling relief to the people. Every drop provides sustenance. The loud pour of the rain is a sweet song to the Earth that brings comfort. I developed genuine respect for the Amazon. I asked God to reveal why I was sent on this adventure. He eventually revealed why. One of my nights there, my team and I had a meeting. The leaders of the team were a husband and wife who resided in the village. In Portuguese, they began telling us that we will spend one night in the forest. They continued on, saying that as a group we will join in the ritual of Ayahuasca. As an American amongst other Brazilians, I was oblivious to what Ayahuasca was. For all I knew, that could’ve meant we were going to sing and dance around a fire while holding hands. The night of the ritual we traveled deep into the forest. Bamboo torches were placed in a circle and everyone took a seat. We sat in a circle and were given a small cup. The team leaders walked around pouring an earthy brown liquid into the cups. We all drank and what came after was beyond my imagination. After 20 minutes, I physically remained in my seat but mentally transported into a new world. In that world I saw the pain that I suppressed for years. All the pain was in my heart. I saw my heart clear as day. It was being held down by chains, barbed wire, an electrical fence, even rabid dogs surrounded it. I had so much pain in my heart that I developed barriers so that no harm can come it’s way. Ayahuasca forces you to release any hidden emotions. It purifies and frees your being from the shackles of negativity. I sobbed because I finally faced the hurt that dwelled inside me. The next vision I saw was me with a family. Symbolizing that opening my heart could add more joy and peace in my life. An opportunity to love and be loved. I didn’t expect to find relief in the Amazon. I only expected to volunteer my time doing simple construction tasks. However, I didn’t expect to find hope that I can experience love. I didn’t expect to find freedom from the pain that was like a parasite in me. I didn’t expect God to give me a revelation. I didn’t expect to find peace.