Looking from the side

by Elizaveta Maslova (Canada)

I didn't expect to find India

With everyone, a moment happens when a person breaks down and loses everything. The moment when it seems to you that this terrible world cannot be changed in any way, just like your terrible life.I lost my job, which gave me money for subsistence. My boyfriend took advantage of me and left me like a stray dog. The man who was always there died of cardiac arrest. Life did not please me, and I did not please life. And so began my new story. When I had nothing to lose, I decided to do something crazy in order to somehow change my life and bought myself a one-way ticket to the distant town of India called Agra. I filled out a questionnaire for a free 10-day meditation program and began to wait in line. When I received an invitation I began to put several of my necessary things in a battered bag from H&M. Upon arrival, hot Indian air and the smell of some smoked chicken hit my nostrils. “A new chapter in life, huh?” I thought, and took the first step into Indian territory. After several hours of driving by bus, along dirty and poor streets, where people work like slaves tirelessly, I arrived at my place. I handed over all means of communication (such conditions of the program), a pen and even a notebook and began my healing. Every day, I woke up at 5 in the morning with sunrise and began meditation. Frankly, the first days my back ached with a hellish pain from the fact that I was sitting on a wooden floor. Many thoughts did not leave my mind, and my stomach rumbled as if I had not eaten for a thousand years. In the afternoon, between meals, people gathered in a big circle and discussed their internal state. It was the only moment when we could open our mouths and say what you think. The rest of the time, the program included silence and conversation only with oneself. “I was an alcoholic for 5 years and did not get out of hard drinking even for a day.” - a 30-year-old man sitting in a cotton shirt and bamboo slippers on our therapy began his story. “At first my family supported me , but when I lost my last job, I lost my family too. Then, for several months, I began to drink harder until I was in the hospital with a diagnosis of stomach cancer. There is no cure, and it does not bother me. I know that I don’t have much time, so the last few months I’ve been trying to return and live my life anew, as if “returning what was lost.” I got a lump in my throat, and my heart beat with such a frequency that it seemed to me that I was about to lose my balance I got up from my seat and went to my cool room. So it went day after day, and I even lost count of how long I had been there. Gradually, I got used to getting up in the early morning, with great indifference I began to eat fresh food and listened in condition and very much meditated.Many thoughts were tearing my mind from meditation, and I completely forgot that soon I need to return and go home. In the evening, on the eve of departure, I could go out of the camp area and take a walk along the coast. I bought a piece of ripe mango for my last 20 dollars and reveling in it, walked along the shore, analyzing all my changes. This trip cleared my mind and showed that life can be bright and interesting, you just need to change the course of your thoughts. No problems are worthy of your nerves, let alone life. Everything can be fixed as long as there is time. I smiled broadly. Suddenly, the whole load fell from my shoulders and I took a deep breath, full chest. The sun was setting over the horizon, leaving its last rays. Like I left all my fears and doubts and began a new chapter.