22 UZ ASK "EXPRESS" TRANSPORT DOCUMENT TRAIN NO. Cipher 084 DD DEPARTURE 03.11 17.35 WAGON No. TYPE 11K Number of people 01 DOCUMENT VIEW MARIUPOL - KYIV PAS PLACES 016 DON H-79.91 UAH ... BED ... I went to Kiev in the same compartment with the employees of a bank. The time was fat, and management decided to reward them with a corporate party in the capital. All the way the clerks laughed out loud, went to visit the neighboring compartments, where their colleagues were sitting, and, of course, drank. I don’t remember if they offered me a drink ... But I definitely remember that I refused. Besides my usual shyness, there was another reason for this. We just went to different places. Already in October, the effect of the horse dose of anesthesia received during the training of personal growth ended, and my insides were reduced from fear of the unknown. However, this fear, in the waves of which I continually choked, was at the same time a subject of my pride. Lying on the top shelf, I watched from above the fun of white-collar workers, whose carelessness was due to a lack of imagination. None of them thought about how on Monday he would return to his cramped provincial "department", to his chewing printer, and to the greasy banknotes. “Even if I shit myself of fear, I’ll be in Kiev on Monday,” I thought, squinting tightly. “Inhale the smell of the subway (I remembered this aroma of burning “sweat ”of rattling, fast mechanical underground bodies from the first visit), walk along the evening Khreshchatyk, listening to street musicians, drink coffee with Katya ...” I still had to find my dream job. But my beloved girl was already there. I think that sex has never been a good enough reason for me to communicate with women. I wanted a lot. A lot. But with this I could not come to them. I needed something more solid. However, I could never explain to them what it is. What do I need from them. And this impossibility has always terribly fettered me. I could not tell them something like: “Let's enter into a relationship in order to develop one another and grow spiritually.” Birth of a child, maybe? Well, what kind of nonsense is this “child”? Some kind of fetish that everyone prays for. Idolatry. I wanted some kind of space. Like in Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Part One) by Pink Floyd. But how do you explain this? So nothing will happen until I find an explanation. So, probably, I need to first understand what it is. Because in no other way. I'm so close to her. And she: “What do you want?” And I have no wording. It doesn’t work out. I need to formulate. It must be formulated. No other way. There will be nothing then. Some clear wording is very necessary ... In short, I could not formulate this for Katya. We met her the day after I moved to Kiev. I called. She said that we can go to one interesting exhibition in the "Mogilyanka". “It's on the Kontraktovaya metro station,” she explained to me as a neophyte. After a couple of hours, we slowly walked between the stands of World Press Photo. Paralympics glorified the power of the human spirit. The Tutsi and Hutu peoples, who started a picturesque massacre in the distant exotic Burundi, clearly demonstrated the meaninglessness of civil wars. And the villages of the already poor Asians, destroyed by an underwater earthquake in the Indian Ocean, exposed the vulnerability of mankind to cruel nature ... The crippled children of Africa, who were blown up by anti-personnel mines, gave me a bad feeling about this ... Near the picture in which a woman from the city of Kuddalor mourned her relatives who died from the tsunami, I realized that everything was bad. The crippled children of Africa, who were blown up by anti-personnel mines, gave me a bad feeling about this ... Near the picture in which a woman from the city of Kuddalor mourned her relatives who died from the tsunami, I realized that everything was bad. Katya was some other girl. Not the same as in Mariupol. The connection that was established between us in the summer was now practically not felt. “So much violence and cruelty ...” she said sadly. "Do you feel normal?" I asked anxiously. "Yes. Fine,” she sighed. Actually, we had nothing more to say to each other. I almost cried in despair from the realization of this fact ... We left the epicenter of the disaster in complete silence. On the street, she said that she urgently needed to go somewhere. "Yes of course. We’ll call you, ”I replied. How bad I was then ... How shitty ... I actually called her a few more times, but she constantly said that she couldn’t, that she was busy with some business ... Only many years later I realized that having lost Katya that fall, I got my Penelope, I’ll try to return to it all his subsequent life. Penelope came up to him quickly. Hugging his neck She began, sobbing to kiss his head and said: “Oh, don't be mad at me, Odysseus! You are in everything and always have been wiser than all. The gods condemned us to grief. They did not want us to stay with each other and live happily in our youth.