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Running through the dusty basement of a house I’ve never been in before, I was trying to find a place to hide. Hide from what, I couldn’t say, just hide. It was nighttime, and the walls were pale yellow, barely illuminated. Hearing a noise, I keep moving, trying to be as quiet as possible. Ahead of me there are dark stairs going down, the same dark stairs I’ve seen in my dreams since I was a kid. Unlit and damp, they go down underground to empty, low-ceilinged rooms with claustrophobic, pitch-black murder caves leading off them. Standing there, I am terrified of what’s below, but afraid of what’s behind me, following me. “Beep beep beep,” goes my iPhone, jerking me awake in the dark. Quite literally frozen in place with fear, I slowly regain my senses. The nightmare quickly dissipates from memory, like water slipping through my fingers when I wash my face in the morning. The overwhelming sense of fear that gripped me just moments before eases away as I realize where I am and what time it is. Instead it is slowly replaced by a deep feeling in the pit of my stomach of both anxiety and exhaustion, two of my closest friends. I sold my belongings and with a small backpack left Australia aged 19. Just months after my mother passed away from cancer she wasn't only my mother but my best friend, my only friend. You see it wasn't an easy decision to leave everyone I loved behind but I knew that there was more out there for me to experience. I bought a one way ticket and left for India to study Yoga, to heal and you can say "to search for the meaning of our existence". I was curious about life, about what it meant to truly live and be happy and where on earth was my mother? I needed answers. I wanted to know the answer to so many questions. I was so desperate for answers, I was grieving from the loss of the most important person in my life and dealing with some childhood/family trauma that started to resurface. My emotions were there, waiting for me at every gate on the other side of the security screening. A heavy feeling of sadness turned into a lump in my throat I couldn’t push down when I realized I couldn’t call or text her to say I’d made it to the airport and was about to take off. Seeing mothers with daughters out in public would cause me to break down, little reminders they were everywhere and I wanted to escape. A yearning to feel normal led me to be open-minded to whatever might ease my grief which were not always good things... Over time, I learned how to navigate my new world: I learned to let love and comfort in from unexpected places, and I found a solid waterproof mascara that could stand up to even the worst crying public moments. If it wasn't for my curious soul, the inspiration of my mother's own wanderlust spirit and the circumstances that lead me to be where I am today I would have never experienced any of the good and bad things that make me who I am today. Traveling and living abroad like any life path you choose, has its ups and downs, its highs and lows, its pros and cons. But I will say: picking up and leaving my life behind and spending the past 8 years vagabonding about the planet was both one of the most challenging. Because you do learn a lot. About people, about the world, about life. You just don’t always learn what you expect to learn. Sometimes the lessons come at unwanted times and give you unwanted truths. Sometimes you learn things you can’t unlearn and see things you can’t unsee. I can say after 39 countries searching for where I belong and for the answers I so desperately wanted answered , I have come to learn that home is where your heart is. You must find solace in yourself before you feel happy anywhere. Each new day is an opportunity to grow to love and accept yourself.