My Return Home After Study Abroad-A mixed bag of emotions.

by Mosa Nkoko (South Africa)

I didn't expect to find Turkey

It’s almost 3 years since my return from Turkey. I don’t want to sound dramatic but this weather got me all shivering and navigating reverse culture shock in below freezing temperatures. I waited long to write this but I wanted to soak in all that I am experiencing so that I can tell you all about it as honestly as I can and I must say being back home hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies. This reverse culture shock is rocking me to the core. Fast forward, the first three weeks were glorious. I appreciated the food, I knew where to get my favourite snacks and street food, I was surrounded by people who look just like me and it was a bit surreal, I enjoyed having my own space and being able to say “Dumela” (“Hello”in Southern Sotho) instead of “ Merhaba” (“Hello” in Turkish). Also, hearing my language in public was amazing; I couldn’t stop eavesdropping people’s conversations- excuse my manners. We all have heard about people experiencing culture shock but did you ever think returning back to your country after life abroad would “stir up all the feels”? have heard and read so many stories about people who experienced reverse culture shock and I was fully aware it’s going to be different but I was prepared to convert to my old life back. However, I did not think it would last this long. Almost 3 years later, my return home feels uncomfortable. I feel more out of place than I had ever expected. I’ve come to realize that reverse culture shock is a lonely experience and no experience is the same for everyone. In my case, the first 4 months were unbearable. The faces I saw and some places I went to were familiar but the narrative and perspective has changed. Where I am now just feels as foreign as where I was. The last thing I wanted to do was to connect, reach out or have small talks- conversations were exhausting me. The hardest part about this is that the friends you used to hang around with before you went away won’t always understand the changes you are going through. I have a problem connecting with people and its not because they have offended me or vice versa, it’s just that I have been gone for too long and I have missed on a lot of things and everyone has been moving on and continuing with their lives so I got left out of the transitioning period; I am not a part of it anymore and it’s depressing! So now there’s this eerie fence between the people I have known and the ones I used to be “cool with”- we just drifted apart. One thing that still puzzles my family is how much I complain especially about things that seem fine to everyone. I must admit it, I sometimes do sweat over small stuff. I never imagined I’d get frustrated about the amount of people I see in town every month end, traffic, slow public services, visitors at my doorstep let alone complaining about one bag of grocery being expensive and sometimes I catch myself saying “if I were still in Turkey, this and that would be like this” or “In Turkey they do things this way not that way”. A piece of my heart is definitely still in Turkey and to say I miss the ocean and the good people I met is an understatement- yep! I’m having adventure withdrawals. Re-entry is such a complex experience and it’s real. I honestly thought coming home would be a refreshing welcome to all that is comfortable and familiar but my familiar became unfamiliar. I feel as if I’m too foreign for home. I feel nostalgia for what was. It’s a mixed bag of emotions. Adjusting and familiarizing myself to my old roots again has not been easy. It’s a slower start and I don’t have it all figured out, all that’s left to do is be open to the unexpected and random. To anyone who has come crashing after a foray abroad, honey I get it! It’s a whirlwind of emotions you can never quite prepare for.