Nomadic heart

by Fatima Zahra Bakkali (Libya)

I didn't expect to find Libya

After two days of my arrival from Berlin to Benghazi, I woke up early without my will. Everything looks different in Benghazi since my last visit, which made me mourn for how bad things went in my hometown. While I walked across the house, I could not resist diving into my childhood memories; my adventures with my father and my days at nursing. I am fond of traveling, my father, a charming folklorist who is very cautious regarding cultures, while my mother, a sweet bibliophile who can sit and read all day easily. After almost an hour of reminiscing through my dazzling recollections, my mum approached to me . “good morning Mariam, did you sleep well?” she said I shook my head as I took a deep breath and continued : “Actually, I had a nightmare, I saw Ahmed drown and I couldn't help him.” She stopped me with a perspicuous tone : “Oh dear, just move on, you can't blame yourself and your hands were tied, all you can do is praying that his soul rests in peace.” Her words had tried to extinguish my pain. However, hiding it was my only option, because that horrible nightmare haunted me since the 25th of last March. My husband and I were on the way to Munich and suddenly a truck crashed into our car and forced us to fall into the river. In the time following the accident, I lost Ahmed and the baby that I was pregnant with. I have tried to move on ,but it seems hard. After four months of the incident, I decided to come back to Libya, although the unprecedented harsh situation of the conflict happening between militias, I thought I would be alright along with my parents. Surprisingly, my father’s voice interrupted my thoughts by asking me: “Are you Ready my sweetie for a drive trip to Sabha?” I responded positively: “Sure, you know I can't resist, a person must follow his own passion.” Traveling is not only about discovering new places, it is also about touching the depth of our souls and the clarity of our minds. It was the 3rd of July and it was a glamorous day with a clear blue sky and a mesmeric temperature, I was over the moon. Through our voyage, we saw armed soldiers with masked faces and utterly collapsed buildings, a sight that gave me perplexity. The moment we arrived, we kicked off our journey, exploring new locations, shooting some wonderful pictures In front of a theater, and I also recognized about three cities of the ancient Roman Tripoli. During the next three days, we went on picnics in a forest and toured around the city streets, whereas our nights were enjoyably cooking on wood under a starry sky. On our way back, we faced a traffic jam and the road was blocked due to the combats between militias. We were stuck with no signal nor enough food to eat. While spending our time thinking how to get out of our unfortunate circumstance, we spotted tents of refugees, people who lost their families and houses because of the ongoing war. At that time, I noticed a woman feeding her kid while smiling gracefully despite her wretched situation, I could not hold myself from talking to this brave lady. I approached her and I said: “Hello miss, may God bless you and your adorable child.” “Thank you my dear. Please, make yourself at home.” she said. I submerged into a deep conversation with her and discovered that she lost her spouse and home during this dreadful war. I realized that, like me, she fell in love and had her heart broken. Nevertheless, she remained strong for her child. She reminded me of a quote by Elizabeth Gilbert. “This is a good sign, having a broken heart, It means we have tried for something." Ever after then, I decided to join the International Committee of the Red Cross and travel around the world to help people globally and discover myself by doing what I love. We arrived back home with a heart full of happiness, faith and contentment. Sometimes I wonder how a trip can change life completely and save it.