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Thank heaven it was full moon. The Marshrutka driver stopped at the entrance of a seemingly endless birch forest, saying: - "This is your destination. We are on the other side of the island." It is quarter to midnight. I get out of the car, not sure whether this is the second most insane decision of my life, or if I am actually guided by my intuition. Remembering the invitation I received earlier this afternoon, from a woman called Maria Semushkina, dressed like a shamanic goddess, to meet her and her friends in this camp where people gather to heal their hearts. Healing my heart is exactly what I need, yet this can only happen, if I stay alive. And what if they are a sect? What if I am the next victim of a mass murder? - "Spasiba", I thank the driver, slam the Mashrutka's door closed, and start to blindly walk into the forest. Hundreds or thousands of white and skinny tree trunks, creating a ghost-like setting, accompany my initiation through darkness, on the way to enlightenment. Every step feels like a contract signed with my willingness to trust the unknown. Until I hear a whistle, that makes my bones bend and my blood freeze. I am not alone. Obviously, I am in nature, and nature has its own rhythms, that I am here to learn about and respect as I enter this mind-stretching space. As I slowly turn around to courageously meet my forest mates, I am nailed to the ground by a vision that I could not have painted, even on the most psychedelic substances ever discovered on earth. Thank heaven it was full moon, as the light was clearly and only there to enhance the dramatic arch of my experience. I remembered hearing about Siberian shamans, and that their magic practices would include human skulls. Yet, I did not expect to be face to skull with a nature built altar in the middle of a forest at night. A long stretched wooden pillar, shaped in the form of a deer at the top, painted in red, blue, and gold, was the first image that met my eyes. Shortly after, the human skull, which was laying on the ground starring up into the sky, captivated my attention. Around this communion of deer with dead human, Vodka bottles, cigars, and purple flowers were decorating the scene. I took a deep breath, and for the first time in my life I was viscerally reminded of my mortality. I probably spent an eternity like this, starring at the skull, and breathing. In and out. Over and over again. My mind started to actively show me that right now I am alive. And my thoughts would create new neural pathways, repeating: - "Right now, I am alive. Right now, I am alive. Right now, I am alive." This was exactly what I came here for. All the way to Russia, to Siberia, to Olkhon, into the birch forest on a full moon night, to remember that I am alive right now. It is only with this intrinsic understanding of my aliveness in the connection with death, that I could keep on walking through the forest. It must sound like the second most insane decision i ever took in my life, and yet, in this very moment where "the worse" was stretching in front of me, I found a deep sense of peace, and understanding that I am safe. Life is meant to be worth living, and every moment is there to remind me of this sacredness. It took me another three hours to find out of the forest, to the camp, where Maria invited to. Everybody was asleep, which is why I lay down at the beach, and had the sweetest slumber in a while. Right now, I am alive. Right now, I am alive. Right now, I am alive. For the rest of my trip, I need another hundred pages to describe the profound understandings and connections I had. Thank heaven, it was full moon.