Ops, something went wrong! Alpinists’Heaven 0 –SelfieBrats 1

by Marta Ottanelli (Belgium)

I didn't expect to find Argentina

A couple of years back my love for the mountains resurfaced. I started climbing for real, devouring alpinists' adventure books, and binge-watching videos of mountaineering expeditions. Finally, having Patagonia on my list of "Places to see before I die" began to make sense and I could reasonably invest my time and money to travel there. Surely I was not (yet) planning to watch the stars while attempting the Fitz Roy traverse. Certainly, I was not fantasizing about spotting condors while resting on Cuernos del Paine. But being within arm's reach of those peaks and enjoying a Stendhal syndrome moment was only a matter of booking the flight. Or so I thought. Our travel guide was a nice starting point but gave us no serious guidance on real hikes. The cookie-cutters traveling blogs or the guided "herd tours" we had found were not helpful either. Call me naive! I could not believe that all the information we could find on this mountaineering heaven was targeting people who had not one pair of hiking shoes in their shoe rack, forget about a pair of worn-out hiking boots. We could not find one book, on the internet or at local stores, describing the trails in Torres del Paine National Park in "alpinist's jargon". Working out distances, the walking time and elevations from the official Park map proved to be almost mission impossible, despite our advanced map-reading skills. Luckily we found another map, which we unfolded in front of the Park's employee when we registered to enter the Park. We pointed out one of the trails: "You will need a special authorization from the hotel because it goes through private land!" We tried our luck with another one: "You will also need a special authorization, ask the rangers at the park." Before tying our hiking boots we inquired again about the two trails we had chosen, receiving three different answers. Annoyed, we resorted to going to the Base Torres Mirador. The view was breathtaking, but I cannot honestly say that it was worth the hassle. Way too many people, which were dressed for a shopping marathon (and behaved like they were doing one) rather than for a 10h, 1600 mt. of elevation (up and down), with strong wind hike. But none of the rangers cared; better have to carry down a Sunday hiker than a bad review on TripAdvisor. We found it ironic that when we registered we had to sit through a two-minute video about how to behave in the park for our own and Mother Nature's safety. We gladly said goodbye to Chile, final destination Fitz Roy. One more registration with Park's authorities. Once again lack of clear guidance. Even the mountain guides' office had no relevant information for what we wanted to do outside the usual tourists' trails. In conclusion, if we wanted to be safe, we had to behave like someone who had chosen Patagonia just to tick a box. Admiring the Fitz Roy while behind us someone was asking what mountains they were looking at (only) slightly ruined the moment. Hearing that someone attempted to book the services of a guide to reach the Chorillo waterfall, a mere 1h walk, made us shake our heads. The faces we passed on our way back showed pain, struggle, distress; only rarely they matched our amusement, happiness, satisfaction. I would pay platinum to know how honest Patagonian vacationers' posts on social media are. Let's face it, why pick this remote and unwelcoming land if not for bragging about having been there? It would not be cool to share that the feet hurt from day one, the hair was impossible to comb for a selfie, you almost froze to death because you were not expecting the blizzard after the morning sunshine. Wouldn't the world be a better place if everyone would choose their vacations destination to enjoy it rather than to impress followers? At least, that would have allowed us to admire the view from a deserted and silent mirador.