Staring at the window

by Tarek Mendonca Chahla (Brazil)

A leap into the unknown USA

Shares

Staring at the open window, looking through it. No wind touching my skin. Seeing a total of four tall buildings, two of them very near, the other two a little further. Watching the cloudy sky. Worried about my final test of Hydraulic next week at the university. Wow, how many years have I been on this? I know: four and a half. There was me, on a winter Tuesday, 4 pm, sitting at my cozy and monotonous study desk. Nothing new. Feeling blank. My dog is laying next to me. My parents are out for work. Nor sad or depressive, but like something was taking too long to happen. Barely did I know that on that same day, a few boring hours later, I would be being hit trough an e-mail straight on my heart: I was going abroad. For the first time in my life, in 22 years, I was sure that, even with no money at all, the world was waiting for me. Yes. I was admitted into a scholarship study abroad program. Never ever before left the country and there I was: one month from starting a totally new life in a completely different country. The mixed shine of tears of happiness and see you later’s have taken space at both of my eyes, right before entering the landing area. I could feel my body and my soul enjoying a thorough attunement. Right there I was absorbing a beautiful energy from the earth, having the ability to shake me at a pace that would make my lungs proud to filter the last liters of that well-known air. I realize that my bones were doing something new: guiding me to the unknown. Staring at the closed window, looking through it. Not much to see in a dark night sky, unless for the red blinking light at the very end of the left airplane’s wing. Still taking deep breaths. I know, this is going to take a year. Maybe I’ll never see my dog again. Or worst, my mother or my father. But they can wait. They are cheering for me. They wanted this too, right? Correct. I couldn’t imagine what’s next, only what’s left. Was I going crazy? No! Focus on the good feeling. We live on an online era. Just eat your first of many foreign snacks that are to come and let the blank sound of this go getter plane fill your mind of hope and fulfillment. That’s OK. Being able to say sandwich and thank you is enough to keep me alive. Lost in my thoughts, jumping into an adventure. My mind was quite busy. From the moment I left the last step of the ladder of that airplane and put my feet on the foreign ground, to the day I did the same thing backwards, I’ve experienced the most unknown sensations ever and learnt unforgettable mind tricks. The land of the way of life taught me that everywhere you are not there now, is a surprise. You only barely know what’s going on here and now. Everywhere else is a complete surprise. And that’s not a self-help or anti-anxiety tip. That’s my relate – it’s real. Every day in my one-year-new-life, I could have the opportunity to stare at the window of my room and realize that life is simple. It’s not about being worried about a University of Engineering test. It is what we feel. What I see when I look through the windows is actually a vision to my inside. It’s a view you can change, doesn’t matter if it is cloudy or sunny. It always was my responsibility to get to explore the unknown of my feelings, by leaping into a unknown place.