Still

by Alifa Syamantha Putri (Indonesia)

I didn't expect to find Indonesia

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“I wish you are here.” I sent those texts to him. Partly because I missed him, and partly I wished he jumped on the first flight he could find from Sydney and be with me in Ubud. I wish. He only sent back a smiley emoticon and told me to have fun. I was in Ubud. Alone. The first thing I saw when I get out of the bus is couples. A lot of couples. “Did it because that bestseller books still doing its magic? You came to Ubud and you found love. There is a possibility I got the chance to find love?” I thought. The questions stay while walking from Puri Lukisan Museum to Sanggihan road along with my heavy backpack. Hilly road and heavy backpack is not a good combination. The only perks are because it’s too heavy and too hilly, I have a lot of time stopping. Good time. Wrong. I stopped outside lotus pond restaurant. Full of couples. Remind me of him again. It was almost a year after we met. After five days of intense connection full of deep conversations and willingness to listen and get to know him, I felt something. He might too. Until he need to leave Indonesia and continue his journey. So I did what I need to do. Missing him but moving on. I stayed at the end of the Campuhan Ridge Walk. It’s a walking course far but near the bustling road. I walked passed the ridge in the morning and went back at night. I walked guided by the sun and the flashlight or if I am lucky, the starlight. I want to show you all this. I volunteer for the Ubud Writer and Reader Festival. This annual festival brings writers and readers in intimate space where starstruck might become a start of friendly conversation about life. I walked to all festival locations. Met the cats on the roads, saw abandon buildings, watched the river and falling trees. I wish you are here. I repeat those words in my head while my feet take me for a walk. As I walk, I knew he will be the one that will always be there and I need to deal with it my whole life. He is still there. Forever. My phone dinged.