Sunsets, freshes fishes and happies mangoes

by Eleonora Azzarello (Italy)

I didn't expect to find Madagascar

Once again tossed inside this car heading for Ankify. The engine noise is deafening and alternates with the sound of the ruined asphalt under the wheels. Always the usual tall green trees frame the avenue and smell of damp freshness. I would love remember all the times that I have gone through this avenue in these months, the sensations that I felt along the way, the thoughts that devoured my mind, dreams, hopes. But I remember very well the first day and the last; the fear of the initial unknown void was very similar to the fear of returning back. I will never forget the feeling I felt when the plane landed on that runway in the middle of the forest. Nosy Be...that island so heavenly and hellish. The difference is that on the first day the uncertainty gave me hope of finding something better, on the last day the uncertainty was the aggravating factor for the pain of leaving. Because the truth is that I have an absurd fear of returning back to Italy. When you think about Africa and see it the first time, you can just observe every things are missing, every injustices, every limits, everything that should be a little more similar to our home. When you know Africa and you live it, you can just notice every things you have and that you don't need, every things that you will miss when you go away, everything you wish would never change: the stars in the sky , the deserted beaches, the scent of the Ylang Ylang, the strength of women, the colors of the Lamba, the rice to be cleaned, the fruit that varies from season to season, the capirihna with lime and Malagasy rhum, coral reefs and crystal clear sea, the animals in freedom, the legends and traditional dances, the independence of the children, their spontaneous smiles without vices ... the sunsets, freshes fishes and happies mangoes. Tenderness and compassion are not the feelings we should have for this land. It's the thirst for justice, that's what we should feel. The awareness of the fact that we have created a global inequality for thirst for power, we have prevaricated on each other, among brothers of the same species, to enrich us. I came to this country with the belief that I could do something to help others and I believed on it every second that I spent and lived here. I've always been convinced that anything, even the smallest, can make a difference and I've always tried to do my best. Now I realize, with amazement, immense joy and a little sadness, that if there is someone who has learned something, if there is someone who has really changed, that is me. Maybe I won't be able to make any changes in the world but anything I will do in my life, anything, even just go shopping, I will think of everything I have lived here, that I have seen and heard with an open heart. With the heart open to every nuance of love, open to every disappointment and pain, but always open. My soul will never have borders again.