Thai'd up

by Ziwa Gwatidzo (United Kingdom (Great Britain))

I didn't expect to find Thailand

Thai'd up! Tied up to the chains of capitalism and the west. Simply depressed. Searching and craving a new experiance. The environment, work life and friendships groups seized. Looking around for my soul unpleased. Searching for flights felt like a flirtatious tease. Thailand was calling. I always felt a sharp taste in my mouth for this place . UK pad Thai was just a disgrace. I'd reached an age of countless tests university stress down the road of repeptative conquest. My passion for the current surrounding had died. The moment I volunteered with those school kids in South East Asia my heart rejoiced. Not bothering with the return flight was the purest choice! Teaching in large classes with age ranges from 1 to 18. The innocent smiles of infants and the usual teenage delinquents. What was meant to be a 6 week break turned into a 9 month adventure. Hopping from town to town with new friendships at the centre. At the centre of my thought heart and mind . Clarity is something I did find. During this blissful time. New cultures, spiritual practise and foods. Spices dancing around my life was the mood. Waterfalls, elephant sanctuarys and Buddhist temples the standard activities for days not at school. It just that magical time where I felt beyond cool. Cool like ice in the scorching heat, teaching in a classroom Where'd you expose your feet! Generally more connected to the earth and nature. The sun surely did work in my favour. The trip sometimes did have it's setbacks however . Language barriors and growing up quickly. Having to adapt to different attitudes towards darker skin. Although mostly lovingly embraced like next of Kin.i found solitude with the black American poetry group nights in North city Chaingmai. This helped me to feel recentred during the more homesick times. From across the international sees I heard the black lives matter cries. Comming from England I felt their pain too. Sometimes the west just feels like a makeshift Zoo. The fake food, fake news and real blues. Dreams and hearts shattered times two. Something simple was discovered in those North city mountains. Toward the end of the trip these kin became human water fountains The whole experience provided much hydration. It will forever be a mental celebration. Liberation under a dictation of unfair leadership and disbalnced rights. Tied up in place where happiness feels like a fight. But surely that flight will always be valued. Poem end A brief note. Although this experience was mostly enjoyable it was sometimes difficult being away from family and not knowing anyone as I went alone. I wasn't going through the best experience in the UK at the time and the break was needed. However it was sometimes hard being around so many new faces. I didn't always connect with absolutely everyone on the trip. I did sometimes encounter racism or just generally not fitting in with different people in the group's. So it was deffinaly a time to grow up. Sadly the reason for returning was to say goodbye to a friend who had sadly passed away. They'd promised they're were going to come join me out there as they were also going through a tough time. His spirit visited me on Krabbi beach. His spirit became the sand, the sea and even the sea breeze. The wind blew heavily all over my face. In that moment I knew we'd shared that spiritual place. Although the news was sad. I knew that he'd found peace with the suicide choice. I knew he was glad and at rest. Wherever he was. He was fine. I'd lost a friend and returned to the UK with mixed feelings . Back at in the west . On a new conquest . Yet again. Pain mixed with pleasure. The journey continues