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Gaining consciousness, mentally escaping my dazed state with a slow whistling sound enchanting me out of my sleep. Blinding rays peeked through my barely open eye lids illuminating the source of the sound. Those first blissful moments of rising when anything is possible, I knew not who the man slightly snoring on the sun lounger across from me was. I drifted back to the night before. Sitting across from each other at La Brisa enjoying the bitter taste of the ridiculously priced glass of Italian red wine. Even though we were surrounded by our newly made friends, I didn’t seem to notice anyone else. I was enchanted by his calculating way of speaking, his way of conveying his thoughts. Every word he uttered had a meaning. None were wasted on frivolous notions. At times like these, I was over-whelmed with emotions of respect and aspiration, which were then soon washed away by feelings of detachment and mental anguish. How could an intellectual such as him, bring out conflicting emotions from me while feeling or showing none of his own. As the hours went by, I yearned to keep our conversation going. Discussions embedded in conversations, that was my attraction. Feeling vulnerable in the way I dissected my thoughts for him. I wondered if he was capable of expressing his emotions and allowing vulnerability as I did. I was addicted, intrigued. I thought of the night I met him. Taking a walk down to the beach as the evening rolled in, realisation that I made it to my beach lined paradise made me celebrate with a Bintang and grilled corn coated with chilli peanut sauce. I sat down on a beach beanbag chair that enveloped me in a sunken cocoon as I watched the sun go down. Moments later, down plopped a sandy haired slightly sunburnt man with the quirkiest pair of sunglasses. He offered a cigarette as a gesture. Although I had never lit a cigarette in my life, I took to it like I knew what I was doing. I took my first drag, barely inhaling the acrid smoke while fighting the urge to gag. In the spirit of curiosity, I sparked up a conversation as the evening darkness rolling in was pierced by dull shards of light from the surrounding beach clubs. Somehow, I felt comfortable enough to bare myself to him. I shared real thoughts and emotions while meaning every word. ‘It’s too early to think of your future, you have plenty of time’ everybody in my life said. From him he uttered ‘Sometimes you know that the path you’re on will not lead you to your destination’. It resonated with me. Although I had the courage to admit that I did not look forward to the ‘normal’ restless sleepless nights to myself, I could never master the courage to tell my traditional mother what I needed to be fulfilled. It seemed ridiculous that that simple statement was what finally made me give up control of the conversation. Giving up control to a stranger seemed ridiculous. Boring a hole in my mind, I always knew showing emotion makes you weak, said my mother. It was such a unique moment that I was able to connect with someone in a few hours than I have with my own family. Watching the waves creep up the shore and slither away, in a way helped me convey my feelings. Each time the tide comes in it carries away grains of sand. It is a constant action that occurs an infinite amount of times. Doesn’t that give you hope of change? That nothing is permanent? Life is as fickle as sand, susceptible to change by disrupting forces. I could be my own disrupting force. A gentle voice soothing ‘Good morning’ slowly broke through my blissful state that made the burning sensation of the sun’s rays on my bare skin sting a little less. I smiled like I always did, only this time, it hid my uncomfortable scratchy throat making talking almost painful. Here’s another day waking up in complete bliss.