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When I departed from my city in Austin Texas, directed toward Paris and Thailand, I became a solo female traveler at twenty years old. From sixteen, I dreamt single mindedly of travel. I’d write in my diary about it and read stories of other travelers and wear myself out with imagining. Four years of that and I was finally set to depart on my first international journey. I had never left my country and I had never taken a solo trip within the US. I had my hardheaded determination and my knack for independence, and that was the sum of my qualifications. I started with internet searches and a job at Subway to prepare for my journey. In the year preceding my departure, I was racked with every kind of travel anxiety you can find with a quick or extensive Google search on the topic. What if I run out of money? What if I get into danger? What if no one speaks English? The unknowns and variables were endless. No one in my family had ever traveled outside the US alone and most had never crossed a national border at all, the only role models I had were people online. I watched every video extensively and, when my anxiety and fear of failure in this adventure drove me into therapy, I held on to the mantra if they can do it then I can do it. A family member even told me I wasn’t cut out for this. But if they can do it then I can do it. I got myself a cheerleader who helped me work through my fears. I compromised with myself, sacrificing unreasonable ideals of my trip for things I was more comfortable with, like a guided tour in the middle to break up my month long solo trip. As for what I couldn’t compromise, like an expensive weeklong layover in Paris, I didn’t. By the time I was boarding my plane in November of 2019, my fears were not solved. I was still uncertain and inexperienced. However, the good thing about getting the ball rolling is that you have no choice once it starts. Once I started, my fear had to step aside for the moment. I was bound for a country where no one knew who I was, where no one was looking out for me but myself. My first night was a thrill and a mess. I used broken French with my cabbie, landed in a hostel in a sketchy neighborhood at night, and yes I cried before bed. But that cab driver heard my story and told me that if I needed any help while in Paris, I could call. And the first night I made a friend from Australia who I still keep tabs on today. And I was in Paris. This was my first step outside of the US. I had no one but myself to thank and my life was at least for the moment, in my own hands. Later I would go on to make local friends and share a home-cooked Thai meal with a woman who owned a café I frequented. It took about a week and a half to settle into my skin. For anyone out there who feels terrified of their dream actually coming true, it’s okay to be terrified. Know that it probably won’t suddenly disappear when you succeed. Gradually, you’ll look around and realize where you are, and your shoulders might relax. It’s natural. Stepping out of bounds is against our instincts. But it’s where you learn. In the end, my first trip abroad was about just that. Learning. I learned about what I was capable of accomplishing. About listening to advice and learning when to ignore it. About focus and smart planning and adapting on the go. At some point, that brick wall in my mind had disappeared, gone without my notice. My ‘look Ma, I made it’ moment came on my first day in Ko Lanta, three weeks abroad. I dropped my backpack, put on a swimsuit and walked across the road to the beach. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face, floating in the water and the sun.