The Linguistically Nightmare Before Christmas

by Bennett Dickson (Canada)

A leap into the unknown Germany

So there I was: a university student looking to try solo travel for the first time. I had saved up a ton of money and wanted to set out on the dream of a lifetime: a tour of Christmas Markets in Germany, mainly the famous Nuremberg Market. So I do my research, book my flights, reserve my hostels, and make sure I have a rental car lined up for when I get there. I'd driven in Germany before, so there was no reason I wouldn't be able to do it again. Upon arriving in France, there's a bit of a transportation hiccup and I need to bus to Stuttgart Airport to get my rental, but that's not much of an issue. I get it and take off! I'm gunning it at 220 km/hr down the Autobahn, blasting my (extremely noticeable) North American music, and singing my heart out. I'm alone in Germany for the first time in my life, so I'm going to enjoy it. I pull into the outskirts of Nuremberg and remember a travel tip: avoid downtown and Old Nuremberg at all costs; it's a medieval-style town with roads that are very narrow and difficult to drive down, especially as someone from Canada who has never driven down a road wider than 1.5 car lengths. So here I am, naively taking in the sites, when I notice a large castle. "That's cool!" I say to myself as I continue to enter what seems to be an endless row of castles. I should have understood where I was but hey, we don't have castles in many parts of North America, so why not see them all?! Fast forward 30 minutes and I am endlessly driving in circles down very tight roads with my Google Maps yelling at me to take turns that don't exist and down roads that are very clearly just alleys (but they were roads and turns, and I should have listened). On top of that, I can barely read any of the signs. Fast forward another 20 minutes and I'm angrily parked on the side of a road cooling down. There's a knock on my window and I turn to see a very large Polizei Officer looking in at me. "Guten tag" I say in a very nervous, very English accent. The officer responds in fluent German, so I tell him I don't speak German. Had he been asking me where the washrooms or nearest police stations were, I would have been fluent. But he didn't, and so the story goes on. He raises an eyebrow and asks "English?" "Ja," I reply with a bright and foolish half-smile. He sighs, gets on his radio, and calls someone. That's when I remembered that everyone speaks English in Germany, until you need them to. Another two officers walk over from around the corner and one of them says he speaks English and asks me what I'm doing. I explain I was trying to leave the old downtown area to find parking, but I don't know how and I can't drive down these streets. He raises an eyebrow and asks me to repeat. I do, and he raises his eyebrow again. Being the active thinker I am, I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone for Google Translate. I ask to get out of the car to better interact with them, and they hesitantly allow me. Fast forward another ~20 minutes and I am now speaking to 5 officers explaining what the weather is like in Canada and how it can be +40 degrees in Summer, and -40 in the winter. They're asking me what I do for a living, what I want to see in Germany, and if I'd like to live in Germany if I had the chance. The power of Google Translate is astounding. So the conversation wraps up and, just as they are leaving, I yell out and ask how to leave. They laugh, walk me to the corner, and point at a bridge no more than 20m away. The rest of the trip was great and the markets were phenomenal. I highly recommend the trip to anyone!