Trust and let go

by Nehal Solanki (India)

I didn't expect to find India

As I sat on the quaint inflatable raft in the crystal clear water of Ganges, I snuggled into familiar clouds of serendipity. The burbling of aqua blue amid the lush green valleys made for a perfect outing in mid-August. A tiny fleet of Himalayan quail encircled me, chirping saccharinely as the rustling wind kissed my cheeks and ears delicately. This is tranquility, I thought to myself. As we steered past steep rocks carefully paddling around bustling waters, I sensed him gazing at me. He was looking at me searchingly. Suddenly I felt tiny driblets of sweat exuding rather effortlessly from my forehead so I shifted my already-dwindling focus to the man sitting ahead of me. Muggling breathlessly through the circle of my thoughts, I lifted my chin up and looked him straight in the eye- gesturing with my left hand, asking him what happened. And as I did so, I found myself smiling circumspectly at him, in what I later conceded was a futile attempt at avoiding the inevitable. “You seem lost?”, he said almost instantly, as if reading my mind. Bheem was a fair man with a brawny physique and relatively soft eyes. His eyes looked sad, almost hurtful, I noted. “Not exactly but I am quite moved by the beauty”, I admitted to him, “this is more like a dream than reality...”. I paddled forward, taking in the impeccable shades of parakeet and emerald greens mixed with tinges of blue. The valley was splendid and ethereal as he smiled back, his eyes lit up suddenly. “I agree. I met the woman of my life here. You’ve ever been in love?” he asked with an enchanted sense of caution. I nodded and he glistered immediately as we maneuvered past the diving point. We were nearing the Ganga ghat after a terrific encounter with some of the most dangerous rapids in the river. “This place brings her memories alive”, he said almost ruefully. Bheem has been working as a local guide in the intricately beautiful valleys of Rishikesh from what he calls a “very long- time”. Shocked at what I just heard, I felt sorry for him. Life does that to you sometimes, I thought, nodding at my own disheveled thoughts. “I am sorry”, I managed to say. He shook his head, reprimanding abruptly. At that moment, his wrinkled eyes told stories that no words could have done justice to and yet he managed to dodge his emotions quickly, or so I felt. “You got me wrong, little one. I saw her here for the first time and instantly fell in love with her”, a timeless boyishness unfurling his face swiftly. Suddenly he looked younger than his years. “I wanted to marry her and yet could never muster the courage to even tell her”. Smiling remorsefully, he neatly turned the raft to his right, bringing it to a screeching halt across the banks of Ganges. He helped me with my red life jacket and offered his hand, letting me out of the thoroughly drenched raft. Blue, orange and red lights adorned the Ganga ghat as birds flew by and the setting sun made for an exquisite view of the apex valley. “I started working here when I first heard about her marriage. I didn’t see her again”, he confided despondently, bowing his head to his feet as rusted bells chimed nearby and several labradors twitched and wailed off on the gilding sand. And then he exhaled copiously, regaining his composure again- looking at me with the same gentle smile. I nodded back- warmly. “You know I learned that...sometimes…..you have to stop seeking closure and accept things as they are. There is abundant beauty in letting go, if only we realize that”, he spoke in a diligently calm voice, the glint in his eyes shining brighter than ever. And at that moment, he beamed with unadulterated joy- resembling a child who had been set free. Promptly revealing his off-white teeth set, he motioned towards the adjoining Ram temple. “Let’s go. It’s time for aarti”. Maybe he’s right….sometimes it’s good to let go, I mused as we ambled to the temple. Suddenly I felt liberated- for the first time.