Trust Yourself

by Ashlee Moore (United States of America)

A leap into the unknown Switzerland

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It was so quiet. The train pulled away from the secluded station and left complete silence in it’s wake. There I was, alone, surrounded by these big beautiful mountains, the sky the coolest shade of blue, and the sun sparkling on the lake. It was the type of scene that seemed to cleanse ones eyes. It felt like medicine just standing there…just looking. Silence all around me, I was frozen, involuntarily meditating. Although I had put months of planning in to this trip, in that moment, it was as if an alien spaceship dropped me there because, all of the sudden I wasn't quite sure where I was or why I’d come or how I’d gotten there. Then, somewhere in the distance, I could hear a song start to slowly creep in volume. As silly as it is, and maybe superficially appropriate, it was Tom Petty’s “American Girl” that played…only in my mind of course. Louder and louder, until I couldn't help but start to move my feet. I would have danced right there on the side of the road if it weren't for fear a passerby might notice. I did, however, begin to walk with the most confidence and attitude I probably ever have in my life listening to that song, my mantra if you will, play in my head. This was the first stop of my first solo backpacking trip. The little Swiss town of Därligen, nestled against Lake Thun at the foot of the Alps was dotted with wooden chalets and post card perfect. I felt like some modern version of Maria from "The Sound of Music", both of us skipping along the roadside about to embark on a new adventure. I do happen to be a nanny and wouldn't mind a strapping single dad sweeping me off my feet, however, I assure you, this is not why I was channeling Maria here. As I neared my host family’s home and the song came to a close, emotions began to flood in: brave and unsure, exhilarated and exhausted, so big and yet, so small. My eyes filled with tears, not from sadness and not even from happiness…I think I was literally overflowing. On Maria’s walk to the von Trapp family home in Austria, she too has a mantra. She sings a song about having “confidence in confidence alone”. Maria teaches us here that all we need to do good and well in any situation is confidence; or in other words, if we trust in ourselves, things will fall into place. I found a lot of comfort in this as a reminder that we are more than enough just as we are, especially as I embarked on this journey through Europe meeting new people and doing new things. So, I took a deep breath, trusted myself, and rang the doorbell to the place I’d call home for a while. The family of four greeted me warmly, and I could exhale. The next night, we planned for me to look after their 9 year old daughter and her friend while the parents went out to dinner. The two girls and I decided to bake an apple crumble, or as the girls called it, “apfelkrumel”. They taught me the Swiss-German words for the ingredients such as mehl, zucker, and zimt. As it baked in the oven, they taught me a dance they were making up together, and I taught them the hand game Miss Mary Mack. The smell of sweetness filled the room and our apfelkrumel was done. We scrounged the freezer for vanilla ice cream to top it with and their eyes widened with excitement as I scooped heaping portions into their bowls. We sat down to eat together and I asked them many questions about school, friends, and their favorite things. I was not surprised to find out: school is boring, some girls are mean, and they love kittens and playing on their iPads. Things felt effortless that evening with those girls and I took that feeling with me the rest of my travels. It wasn't always seamless, but it was always perfect. Maria was right.