What was I thinking!

by Nivetha Kannan (India)

A leap into the unknown India

What was I thinking! Shivering under a heavy blanket on a January night with tears flowing down my cheeks, I cursed myself for the stupid decision I took 2 months ago. What was I thinking! The naïve 19-year old was too excited to think things through. It was like the excitement of a child in a fair, transforming into a panic the moment it loses her parents to the crowd. 24 hours ago, my first self-sponsored trip started with a bang. Like dream of heaven, I was drifting above the clouds wishing that I could open the window to take in the magnificence that was below me. Rugged mountains sprinkled with snow stretch as far as the horizon. ‘This alone was worth the trip’, I thought to myself a little too soon. As the day passed, I met people who were going to be my only companions for the next nine days. Yes, next nine days away from civilization where the only way for someone to reach me is through rescue helicopter. As I stood among the strangers talking in unfamiliar tongues, everything suddenly felt alien and overwhelming. I slipped away like a shadow from the group and slid into my bed with my phone hoping to get some comfort from my folk at the other end of the country. Terrible idea! I put my phone away as my eyes could no longer hold the emotions in. What was I thinking! Early the next day, we were got into tempo traveller and headed to our first campsite. As the vehicle trudged through the rocky and treacherous road, I watched with numbed horror. On reaching the campsite, I saw the Chadar (the frozen surface of the river), the trail on which I will be walking. The hard warrior mountains have parted to give way to the royal Zanskar river. But winter treats everyone alike. ‘We will start trekking tomorrow, you can try walking on it today if you wish’ said the guide. My group did not need anymore pushing. With the gumboots on, they head straight to the Chadar. I followed, reluctantly. Within four steps on the glossy surface, I knew that I was done for. Then I took the fifth step and there was thunder! As people gathered to get me on my feet, I could feel beads of sweat on my forehead despite the cold. Eight days of this?! What was I thinking? There was no going back now. So, I decided on one agenda. Focus on the trail and try not to fall. I fixed my eyes on the trail and never looked up on the second day. It was the night sky that broke my resolve. I had never seen anything like it. Millions of stars winked mischievously and few even ran around with no moon to admonish them. I broke into a smile involuntarily as fear and doubt in my heart was replaced with warmth and hope. I looked around at all the people from different places and life, laughing together like good old friends. I might have been the youngest in the group, but they were all kids too with their worries and age left behind in the city. With a little try, I blended right in. From then, it was all a blur. The next week went like this: being awestruck by the stunning landscapes, falling multiple times to always get up laughing, climbing the rocky hills and wading through ice-cold water. We ran crazed as the ice cracked beneath our feet and the flowing water beneath roared. We saw a grand frozen waterfall, clicked a million pictures and stayed at a homestay in the middle of nowhere. We trekked all the way, laughing and playing as we got used to the slippery ice. And before I knew it, it was all over. As I got into the traveller and left the trail behind me, tears rolled down my cheeks like the day one. But this time, they had my smiling lips to cradle them. I considered backing out from all this just nine days ago. What was I thinking?!