Yackity yack, keep on bussin'

by Hallie Brown (United States of America)

I didn't expect to find USA

Traveling to Europe was a blessed opportunity for me in spring of 1992, a gift from a close pal serving in the US Army stationed in Germany. I never thought my first spring break in community college would be spent in a foreign country. I was giddy and anxious all the flight there and couldn't sleep a wink! After arriving in Frankfurt, Germany and a refreshing and needed 3 day sleep to overcome jet lag, we embarked on a weekend trip to Paris, France via a tour bus filled with lovey eyed foreigners from around the globe ready and rearing to see the Eiffel tower and eat delicious foods never tasted on their pallets before. The tour bus collected the guests in late afternoon and travelled from Germany to Paris over night, allowing guests to sleep and awaken in Paris in the early morning. As everyone eventually drifted into slumber, I again was filled with restlessness and too over stimulated from experiences to consider a wink of shit eye. I was the only person besides the bus driver alert the whole drive, and yet I still couldn't spot our English speaking guide among travelers on the bus. Did he get left behind? Disappear? I was baffled! As the late night ended and morning began I kept myself occupied drawing and listening to music on my walkman, keeping quiet to not disturb the other passengers slumber. Then, while in mid shading of my beautiful picture of horses and countryside, I was jerked off the paper by an seemingly large yanking sideways of the bus's forwards motion as if it was falling off the road and plucked back into it's coarse. I figured it wasn't anything to be alarmed about and that I recalled the driver looking alert and drinking coffee as we left earlier. A few moments pass and again, a tank back onto the road...I was startled and took my eyes off my drawing and began watching the driver's eyes in the mirror reflecting to passengers from his position in driver's seat. I then noticed to my surprise an unfortunate driver fighting with his eyelids trying to keep them open. I was instantly petrified! He was falling asleep at the wheel! I did not expect to be dying in Europe anytime soon, so I arranged myself up to the seat adjacent to his and proceeded to yack his ear off for the remaining duration of our drive for 3+ hrs into Paris. Sadly yet funny thing was he did not speak one word of English, not a word! I still couldn't find our guide, he was a magician? Was he even there? I was confused! When arriving in France, exiting the bus out of a hidden sliding door pops out our guide, refreshed and straightening his uniform to perk back into guide mode. I instantly took him aside and explained how I couldn't rest knowing the driver was falling asleep and veering off the road and how I yacked his ear off annoyingly to keep him awake and alert to avoid dying on the tour bus to France. He immediately was dumbfounded and his eyes gave away his shameful guilt for not being aware of his driver's inability overnight. He then proceeded to get all the passengers attention and publicly announced my attentiveness and shared my heroic feat of keeping us safe to our destination, and how I was a genuine travelers companion comadity! The whole bus proceeded to clap and congratulate me as if I saved a basket of drowning kittens from going over Niagra Falls. I was proud of my accomplishment, but the rest of that day on guided adventures through the Louvre I was a walking zombie! But hey, it sure beat being a dead zombie and was back to normal the next day! I didn't expect being a life saver in Europe, all's well that travelled with me! Captain yack a bus driver to the rescue! C'est fini!